Thursday, January 28, 2010

The world of online affairs/hookups...

Eeeeekk what am I doing and why is Kat not talking me out of this?!

Okay I just signed up on some type of site, just the 'free' membership so far. I have had one message and a few interests, only one local and the others from out of country. I found a few local men, and I have 'smiled' or 'kissed' them or whatever you do 'poked' to show an interest, but I cannot message unless I sign up for the 'full' membership. What to do, what to do...I think I will wait to see if I get a response to my 'kisses', maybe they aren't as cheap as me and can message me.

This is all so exciting and scary at the same time. So does one just chat first and get a feel for the guy? It's not like you can really meet for coffee, kind of defeats the 'discrete' part. Oh well, I guess we will find out as I go along, but I do welcome any suggestions and/or comments if any of you out there are going this route. ciao for now, wish me luck! Agnes

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


This line is so true when it comes to Agnes and I.  She knows all about my normal day to day life (ie. husband and kids) and all about my not so normal "other" life. There is really nothing I wouldn't tell her because I know that she would never, ever judge me.  For that I am very grateful to have her in my life.  I can't even imagine leading this double life and not being able to share it with anyone would literally drive me crazy.  I have never lied to her (even when I kissed her husband..yikes) and I never will.  She really is the best.  ;)

A snippet of the Kiwi...

I will give you more on the Kiwi another day, but just had to let y'all know we met yesterday...typical meeting for us, the precursor is a full day of hot texting, him asking me repeatedly if I will be swallowing his cum, me assuring him 'of course' and lots of talk of my 'great titties'. Then off I went at the end of my day for 5 minutes of pleasure at our 'meeting spot' (it actually is a step up from the back seat of a car, but not much). In we go to our 'room', clothes come off, he tells me how great my tits are and the messing around begins....and then ends...clothes go back on, we walk back to our cars and say 'talk to you soon', both parties were successful in reaching a climax!

Can you hear the excitement in my voice about this type of meeting? LOL I told Kat yesterday, with the Kiwi and some others, it is the chase and the precursor text messages that are exciting for me, the act not so much. Mostly because since Kat and I have experienced our lengthy sessions with other lovers, these quickies just do not cut it. I am not really sure why I continue to meet him but Kat and I are in a bit of a dryspell and I have been so riled up last week and this week so far, and he made contact with me last week, so I knew it was a matter of time that we would be able to connect. He has actually been pretty good lately, in the past I would get an email the next day saying he felt too guilty and needed to work on things with his wife. I think he has finally realized, he too is addicted and as long as we don't share anything emotionally, we can meet for sex and all will be good. Anyway, that's my hump day story this week....ciao for now Agnes

Monday, January 25, 2010

The insignificant numbers

Okay so where was I...ahhhhhhh yes #4.  Which I guess brings me to a continuation of the story that Agnes told about the Mr. Big night.  I was in town visiting for the weekend and Agnes decided that we should go out.  I was excited that I would finally be meeting Mr. Big.  I was ansy that night and new that trouble was brewing.  I won't go into much detail about the whole evening as Agnes pretty much summed it up until the end when after many, many, many drinks I was standing at the bar picking up a gay bartender.  YIKES.  One of the other bartenders came over and told me he was gay and I wouldn't be going very far with him but that he was sure that he could do something for me.  Well low and behold next thing I know I am in a cab on my way to his apartment (quick stop at the 7-11 for condoms).  The sex was bad that night and it didn't get any better in the morning.  I was super hung over and felt like crap so was really thankful when Agnes came and picked me up.  So to say the least #4 was nothing to brag home about.

Of course the weekend didn't end there...we attended an all-girl's party the next night (oh except for the shirtless bartenders).  I was so bummed about sleeping with the less than satisfactory bartender that I needed more.  So 2 a.m. comes around and we are leaving the party when someone suggests an after hours bar.  At this point in the evening Agnes and I should have just called it a night but nope off we went.  Within 15 minutes of being there Agnes was kissing some guy (which she will no doubt tell you about) and 15 minutes after that I was necking with JD (initially nicknamed Jumbo Dick).  He was super cute and he was a great kisser so how could I resist when he asked if I would come home with him..hmmmmm let me see...I just couldn't.  We barely got through the door when all our clothes were flying off...I won't go into a lot of detail other than the sex was really hot.  Finally a man that doesn't think sex should be all about him.  It was none stop for two solid hours and when Agnes called to come pick me up he didn't want me to leave...I really should have nick named him the energizer bunny because he kept going and going and going..haha.  Anyways great night...we kept in touch for a while until he got a girlfriend.  So this was last spring.  In November I accidently sent him a text that was supposed to go to a friend.  We messaged back and forth for a while and hooked up for one last time during the Christmas break.  I was quite disappointed actually because it wasn't as hot as it had been that first time.  I can't imagine that we will be hooking up again.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

When you are this Big...they call you Mister!

Well, as the nickname suggests, Big has a very big cock, length and girth, more so on the girth...

So after that first meeting at Big's house, we continued to meet...almost weekly, we could not get enough of each other. He would meet me near my work in his truck and I would sneak out and give him a hand job and make him cum (he would always say how good I was at that, I was not a big head person at this point, still a bit shy about my abililities in this regard), and he would get me off with his fingers in my pants (again, I was not experiencing the g-spot, so it was safe to venture there without soaking my pants, or the car seat). We would send each other very hot text messages, it really was pretty constant. Big was not 're-married' at this point but he was living with someone, but he had enough freedom never to be concerned with text messaging or calls. He would sometimes pick me up on a sidestreet near work and we would go to parkades, we met at parks or sideroads in residential areas, we started getting more brazen and went from just handjobs to full-on fucking in his truck. We even fucked in broad daylight in my car, with no tinted windows, in a residential area...just after we came we looked up and a man was walking towards us walking his dog! EEEK

We had at least 2 hotel meetings, each time, I was so nervous, heart racing, but as soon as I walked in that door, we would immediately start groping one another...I loved how he was ALWAYS so excited to see me, he could be the biggest asshole (which I would tell him from time to time) but when he met me for sex, he was a completely different person, he WANTED me bad and he expressed it. I went to his house again at least 3 or 4 times, pre and post re-marriage. I even had sex with him in his truck, one week post-honeymoon (that time I actually felt bad for his new wife...eeek).

Anyway, things were super hot and heavy for at least 6 months or so, then we got to the point where it was getting more difficult to meet, mostly due to his schedule. But of course, I was completely roped in at this point, so what started out as 'we will go as far as we can, and when it ends it ends', became something I had to have in my life. I hungered for it and so when meetings got cancelled I would be really upset and of course, who did I email...Kat! And she would talk me off the ledge, tell me he will be back etc...and he always was, as he hungered for me as well, but he is a very busy man, work and socially. One of the last times I met wtih Big, in a hotel room actually, we had the opportunity to lay together afterwards. You have to understand because our time was usually restricted, it was wham bam thank you man. But this time in the hotel was different, he actually pulled me onto the bed when I was getting dressed to lay with him and he lay there stroking my hair and kissing me, I actually felt like we were connecting and it scared me! I think it scared him too.

Of course, that made me want him more, and I wanted to go out with him socially. So when Kat was coming to town (she lived elswehere from me at this time), I also wanted her to meet him. I knew I could get him out with the innuendo that maybe Kat may also be interested in him, that she was even nottier than I was (sorry Kat!). I knew Kat would never be interested in him, but I knew he would be into her. So, it worked, Kat and I headed out to local pub and low and behold Big found a way to come meet us, of course he brought a friend. Well, he immediately started putting the moves on Kat. She of course was grossed out by it, but due to alcohol played along. Big's friend of course was putting the moves on me. So we carried on and then moved onto a nightclub. The dancing began, the gropping, Big's hands were in my pants, his friend's hands were in my pants, Big was kissing Kat, the friend was kissing me and I think Kat, and I was kissing Big and touching his cock...there were hands flying everywhere. Big was clearly wanting to fek Kat though and I started to grow envious, I did not like this game anymore! Kat knew so she tried to push Big back to me. And when Kat took off to hook up with someone else, Big was ready to leave...of course, made some excuse to me that he had to get home and could not be with me that night. His friend walked me back to my car (as Kat had taken off with her hook-up) and I gave him a ride home (well the cab gave us a ride), the friend and I made out all the way home (great kisser, but he was not who I wanted, nor was he my type). Anyway, the icing on the cake, Big phoned Kat the next day to ask her to hook up. She was staying at my house and he calls her to hook up?! WTF...Well I immediately called him and left a message, saying WTF is that all about. He called me back later, he knew I was pissed. He tried to say that it was my suggestion for a potential three-some (I never told him that!) and that he needed to test-drive Kat to make sure we would all be compatible. I told him that it was not cool, and that I was not into that. A week or two later, we decided to call it. I told him I could not do it anymore, and was not willing to be treated like that. We agreed that we did not awkwardness when we saw each other, as we still would have to associate with each other. It was all very mature.

A few weeks later of course i get the late night text asking me to come over, I did not see it till the next day, so I called him that next morning and said, why are you doing this to me, this is not going to happen.

Well things were over for a long time, then we had to talk for some other outside reason, and again, things heated up, we have had sex maybe three or four times since and he is in fact working on getting together with me soon (apparently he purchased a townhome for business that is vacant on occasion). It is actually quite good, I do not feel the emotional attachment to him anymore. We can be totally open and honest with each other, we have lots of talks now about sex and relationships, and we know when the opportunity arises, we can get together for some great sex. It is easy, the perfect situation really. It was quite cute this past Friday actually, I think I called him cause I was just super horny all week and when he answered he said 'how are you' and I replied 'horny and I need to be fucked!' ...he laughed and told me that he was in fact just thinking about me (whether he was or not I don't care, he said it and made me feel good). By the end of the conversation he told me his cock was nice and hard and he was actually trying to find a way to see me, but for a change, I could not make it (love having that upper hand on occasion!).

I know Big will be around for awhile yet, and I take comfort in that(he only just got a 'taste' of the wetness, surprisingly after all this time he got the 'touch' just right...and guess what, he loved it! He needs to experience that again!). He was my first and as you will find out, definitely not my one and only, I actually told him on Friday, that he started this all, that I had never crossed the line before him, reminded him that I did whisper that first time 'I don't think I can do this...' (we both laughed of course as clearly not loud enough to stop!) was true though, starting things with Big was the beginning of many more men!

Now, let's see...who was next? /Agnes

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Tonight was supposed to be a boys night out, my husband and Agnes's husband and a girl's night in for us (we were supposed to go straight home). We went out with them for dinner and then said goodbye but it was beyond us to go straight home so we landed up going for a quick drink at a nearby bar.

What is it with Agnes and I that we can walk into a bar and within 10 minutes we have three men wanting our attention and then 10 minutes later I am in the back of the bar necking with one of them. Not like we are dressed skanky or promoting that we want sex. Unfortunately it had to end there as we had to go home.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Potenial New Lovers?

Kat and I have had many men in the last couple of years, but it seems that now we are looking for a 'lover', a regular source of sex. Someone local, no strings, a place of their own, or access to a place on a regular basis. Tonite we may have found it. As Kat said, we were not even supposed to be out, it was our men's night out...but no we could not resist the urge to just pop into a local watering hole (and pretty much a guarantee to find someone, we both knew this in the back of our minds, in fact I think I even challenged Kat tonite that we go out for just a drink and see if we could bag someone). Guess what, within 5 or 10 minutes of being in the bar, we were giving out boob rubs and talking about sucking cock to a prospective lover! I know it sounds crass, it actually was not meant in a slutty way, just an open honest way. Poor guy expressed within 10 minutes he had sex only every 6 months with his wife and was batting 0 for 6 (years!!!) for head.

Once again, the number of married men/women, looking for sex and having sex with people other than their partner is currently astonishing Kat and I, we are so not alone! Anyway, this guy who approached us for a boob rub, had two friends anxiously awaiting in the wings, one more married guy and one freshly separated...let's call him D. Well within minutes D had his arm around my waste and his hand on my ass, and nuzzling into my neck...but we had to go...I was not going to walk away...I got his number...let's see if he is brave enough to respond to my text tomorrow (he did not have his phone on him), and to see if he will meet me. I have to say, he was a nice pick...hmmm....maybe i am finally starting to be selective! Unlike Kat, I have no idea what kinda cock is in store...but really, does that matter?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Power in numbers

I'm really not proud of the number of men I have had sex with in the past 2 years.  Most in a drunken state which makes me even less proud.  I can't have any regrets though because what is done is done and I can't undo what I have done so I have accept it and move on from there and try not to make the same mistakes.  Agnes and I were going over the men that we have met in the past two years. Here is a compilation of mine and how it all went down.

Guy #1:  My first (highschool friend that I reconnected with on FB).  It all started so innocently really.  I had heard that he had just gotten engaged and so I wrote him a note saying "congrats on your engagement, the last of the hotties from high school to get married."  Well I guess that was the wrong thing to say because he responded with "well if you wouldn't be married already I would have asked you".  So what started out as teasing turned into us hooking up.  It only happened once (at my office..yikes) and we didn't have full on sex.  It was my first time venturing out into the world of adultery and I felt more guilt for his future wife than I did about cheating on my husband.  Anyways it ended...more his choice than mine but I was not disappointed that it did.  He's now on his 2nd year of marriage and expecting their first child.

Guy #2:  So the spark had been lit and there was no stopping me.  My relationship with my husband was declining due to his drinking and I just needed something to keep me happy.  That's when I met tiny (yes named after his cock size, poor guy).  I was out with friends and was supposed to be my single friend's "wing girl".  I saw him and his friend standing at the bar and I approached him and we started talking.  My single friend seemed to be hitting it off with his friend so all was good.  By the end of the night when the bar was closing they suggested we continue the party at their house.  I wasn't totally sure I should (knowing where it was going) but I agreed and off we went.  I won't go into detail other than despite his size he was a really good lover and he had an amazing body.  We talked periodically after that but he felt a lot of guilt about having slept with a married woman.  We did hook up a few more times over a period of a few months but the guilt for him was just too much for him to take.  We still talk now after 2 years and have actually become somewhat friends.  He always asks me for girlfriend advice which I find to be very sweet.

Guy #3:  Hmmmmmmmmmm whose next...ah yes AM (aka ass man, he liked my ass and referred to it often).  Anyways while on a trip with the girls Agnes and I had went out alone without the rest of the group.  The evening started off pretty innocently, dancing, talking, drinking until a groupof men came in.  AM was sitting on a stool and watching us dance so of course I made eye contact and had to approach him.  He revealed that he was married and I said that I was too but we could still have fun.  Agnes had a whole group of other men to keep her occupied.  They invited us to their hotel for a hot could we say no, seriously.  5 good looking guys and a hot tub...mmmmmmmmm.  As soon as we got there I stripped down to my underwear and got in and Agnes was feeling a little less adventurous so she borrowed one of the guys boxers.  I'm sure they were all disappointed that she kept her bra on because Agnes has the best set of boobs around.  Three out of the five guys eventually left leaving me and Agnes with AM and his friend (I have to say this, we named him limp dink after that evening).  After a lot of kissing AM and I took it into the bedroom and fooled around until Agnes started knocking on the door...his friend was too wasted to get a hard disappointing.  I spent the rest of my nights with AM while on our vacation and we promised to stay in touch.  At the time he lived quite a distance from me so I knew that I wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon.  We had some phone conversations and a potential meeting but he flaked and that was it.

Okay this is to be continued......

Dreaming of Switzerland...

Okay, sidetracked again...but I have to say I think I am in love with my Swiss Mr. I met him this past summer while on vacation with my girlfriends. We spent two amazing crazy nights together, and then I met up with him again before he went home to Switzerland for the hottest night I have ever experienced. We had 8.5 hours together of amazing, passionate sex, I cannot even put into words what I felt that night and what I still feel inside when I think of that night. Well, Swiss Mr. and I still keep in touch, we exchange nudey photos of each other, and tell each other how much we want to be with each other again. The plan is to see each other again in 2011, but that seems so far away (but believe me well worth the wait!). But today I got this amazing message, I will let you see a snippet of it (and remember, English is not his first language):

Heh Agnes, I also had some very dirty thought about you these days... sometimes I just wish to meet you right now and then without any word to rip off your clothes and fuck you like mad! But then I calm down and save some sperm for you the next time we see us... ;-))

A few days ago I had a spontaneous idea and I was looking for a flight to UNNAMED CITY to go to UNNAMED LOCATION;-) I was thinking about "Couch Surfing" because now you don't find any room anymore I think. But then I threw away my idea because I don't even can take off during this time... I'm just too busy now :-( But the imagination of skiing, have party at night aaaaaand fucking you like mad was reeeeally gooooood! ;-))

Seriously this man drives me crazy. And it really is so ridiculous that I carry this torch because of the distance. But I cannot stop! I would give up the 'collection' for this one man! Agnes

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Why do we do what we do?

I have been reading some other blogs of other woman doing what Agnes and I are doing and I am astounded at how similar and yet so different we all are. Some woman are having affairs due to a lack of sex at home. This is definately not the case for us. If anything our extra-curricular activities have enhanced our sexual relationships with our husbands. So why are we seeking out other men??? A question that I have asked myself on many occasions.  Feeling wanted by another man and knowing that you can still attract them?  Feeling needed by someone other than your husband?  I'm not sure...I think I need to figure this one out.


I got a text from Greg last night saying that he had just received all the messages that I had sent and now understood the reason for my worry.  He reaffirmed that all was well and that he was anxious to get together again...and yes now I can exhale knowing that all is good with him.  I have to remember to set some ground rules. Like:

1.  If you are going to be away and can't be in communication with me than let me know prior so that I don't look like some crazed woman thinking that I have been dumped.
2.  If you are going to dump me than be up front and let me know...don't ignore me and let me wonder what the hell happened or think that you are dead, which leads me to my next rule
3.  Give my contact information to someone in your "trust tree" so that they can let me know if something happened to you.

I'm thinking those are pretty common sense rules...right?


I think this is what started things...

So R and I met many years ago, a co-worker of my husband's. We spent many a night partying, all good clean fun. Then one night we were all out, and my husband and I had a fight, he stormed off and left the bar. Next I knew I was outside of the bar, talking to R and we confessed to one another, we had feelings for each other. We told each other that at parties we would always try to ensure we sat close to each other, and that we were the last ones to leave. I knew I felt that way, but never imagined he was feeling the same way. And then we had our first kiss that night. Nothing more happened as I was also out with some girlfriends. A few more parties were attended but now whenever we could find a moment, we would steal a kiss. We may have groped around a bit here and there, we always found a way to be the last two at the party so we could spend one on on time. It was so exciting to be kissing him and touching him. We both knew it was wrong, especially cause my husband is such a good guy, and a good friend to R, so we never took it further, despite having plenty of opportunities. Well then R moved away.

We kept in touch after his departure, but never saw each other. Then one day a couple of years ago, maybe three now, we began emailing each other. It started off pretty tame, then it just kept getting more heated and passionate. It got to the point where he and I would be pleasuring ourselves as a result of the messages. We started calling each other, and would talk each other through the 'deed'. We could not get enough. The first time I revealed this to anyone, it was to Kat of course, and to my surprise and comfort, she too was engaging in this type of relationship with an old flame of hers. But for her she was ready for the next step, an in-person meeting. I still remember her telling me about the plan to meet him, and I was so nervous for her and scared, and thinking that maybe she shouldn't go, as if she did there would be no turning back. She too was thrilled to hear that she was not alone in this type of behaviour, safety in numbers, right?! Anyway, me meeting up with R was not an option due to the distance, despite many conversations about him flying out to see me, talks of spending the day in his hotel room. It seemed it was almost going to materialize at one point, but never did and still has not, we did engage in some video chat, slightly closer than email (at least we could see each other).

Anyway, this passion was bubbling inside of me. Kat had now taken that first step and met her lover, and it was overwhelming for me. Although it terrified me, I too wanted to experience that. Then along came Big! We had been flirting for a couple years through our association with each other, but he is known to be a bit of an asshole in the community, but I was seeing a different side to him, we would attend meetings and I could feel him staring at me across the room. Then when we worked more closely together, I would catch him checking out my ass. I would share stories of my ladies' trips eluding to the fact that we were "girls gone wild" just to test the waters. Then we started making more calls to each other (had not really entered the world of texting yet) and invitations were being extended to come out for drinks, all under the guise of hooking up our mutual single friends. Then one morning, I asked him to meet me for coffee/lunch. In all honesty, I did not know where this was going to go, but it did feel different, it did feel like I was taking a step that I would never be able to take back. At most I thought maybe we would kiss.

So we met at a restaurant and made the usual small talk. Then we got to a point in the conversation about our relationships and his past marriage, and then he offered to basically mess around with me, if that is what I wanted. I was a bit shocked that he was so blunt about it, but at the same time jumping out of my skin, 'wholly crap, here we go' i was thinking...eeek. Anyway, we finished our lunch and walked out on the street to our cars. Just before departing, we came toward each other and that was it, we started to kiss, right there out on the street and then up against the fence, he stopped and said, "I knew you would be a good kisser!". Then we jumped into his car and madly started gropping and kissing like high school kids. It was such a surprise to me his behaviour as he seemed like such a 'boy' compared to this rough and rugged man I thought he was, everyone thought he was. But he was an excited boy, excited to discover my body, excited to be with ME. It was so hot! Well, we both had to I got out of the car.

He had told me his girlfriend was going to be out of town all weekend. So the next day I called him and found some time to sneak away from home and go to his house. When I got to his house, he told me how excited he was to see me, and that he was feeling like a school boy. We essentially ripped each other's clothes off and next I knew were in bed, hands and mouths were flying (and let me say it was from this point further that Big got his name, as he was very well endowed), and just before the 'deed' was about to be embarked on, I whispered, 'I don't think I can do this' and then I did. I had done 'it' with another man! I could not believe it. And there it was, I had committed full-on adultery. And all I wanted was MORE!

I blame it all on R (and I tell him this to this day) that if he had not started with me, it would not have awakened all these feelings inside of me. I had all those feelings but no one to act upon them with, then along came BIG!

Big is/was the perfect lover...we still see each other on occasion still, two years later. I will write more specifically about him in my next blog...the first of my 'collection' and most definately not the last!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Soooooooooooo after not hearing from Greg I decided (or was it Agnes's nagging that made me decide) that I should send an email rather than a text.  It was short and simple "Worried about you if it's done that is fine but I need to know".  He responded right away "Why are you worried about me?  I'm in Miami right now and off to South Beach tomorrow."  That's it!!!  That's all I get.  I didn't want to respond but I did and kept it light and fun.  Sometimes I feel like having an affair is way too much work.  But with that said I don't want it to end.  I need a night out really soooooooooooooon...Agnes???

Monday, January 18, 2010

Ola Amigo/Amiga...

Back from Mexico and ready to blog again...I have been slowly building up my tales of deception and infidelity but I need to just jump ahead I have been away on vacation, a romantic birthday surprise vacation for my husband, the husband who is devoted to me until the day I die, but whom recently I have been questioning whether or not I actually "love" him (again, I will give more deets on this later). And what do I do immediately on my return? Respond to emails from a few past lovers of mine, one of which is desperately wanting to hook up with me this week (the one who has 'ended' things with me now at least three times...Kat and I both know he will always come back, again more deets to follow). And I will likely meet him this has this become such a normal part of my life, but yet it is so wrong - it is like I am two entirely different people, living two entirely different lives...hmm hold on, is that schizophrenia? EEEK

Monday, January 11, 2010

Why am I not surprised

Agnes sent me a text early Saturday morning from Mexico.  Her and her husband are there to celebrate his birthday.  Her text "I kissed a boy"..hahaha.  That girl never ceases to amaze me.  Here she is supposed to be on a romantic getaway with her husband and the first day she is there she lands up kissing a boy.  The sad thing is that I am totally envious. 

Right now I have nothing.  My lover (hate saying that, it sounds so cliche so I will call him Greg) has not responded to any of my text messages (Only 2 because I refuse to beg for a man's attention) since we were last together two weeks ago.  I'm not overly concerned although this is the longest he has gone without sending me anything.  He is married as well and the only thing that ever concerns me when I don't receive a reply to my messages is that his wife has seen them.  If he has decided that our relationship is over than I hope he has the decensy to tell me.

I hope it isn't done but if it is than I will take what I had as an awesome experience and move on from there.  He wasn't my first and I really doubt he will be my last.  The addiction continues.


Friday, January 8, 2010

" The pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural"

As quoted by a psychologist from France.  Isn't that the truth.  We marry because of love rather than for sex.  But we have affairs for sex rather than for love.  Right?  I do love my husband, maybe more now than I have ever loved him.  But I cannot imagine being obligated to have sex for the rest of my life with that one man.  To me it is like going to the same location for a vacation year after year after year.  It gets boring and although my husband and I's sex life is amazing I still find myself wanting a bit of variety.  I don't love the men I hook up with but I do get great satisfaction in being with them.  Is it an ego boost or just the knowing that someone else out there wants to be with you.  So do I think more marriages out there would be better off opening up their marriages to the possibilities of extra-marital affairs...absolutely.  Think of how many marriages would survive the taboo of an affair.  I often wish my husband would go out and have an affair as well so that I wasn't the only one.  But to suggest that to him would mean that I don't care about our marriage which isn't it at all, this is how he would see it though.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Is it fair to have my cake and eat too???

Of course not but that is exactly what I have right now.  I have a family that loves me and a lover that provides me with everything else that I need and want.  How does a person give that up?  I often look at my husband and think "what the hell am I doing" he's wonderful.  He makes me laugh and comforts me when I need it.  He's a great guy.  But other times I look at him and say "what the HELL am I doing???"  I hate him and I want to scream and run away. 

My husband had his cake and was eating too but his cake was alcohol.  He has promised to cut down, which he has and it has been good.  But how do I do that now.  How do I stop my addiction?  Would he understand if I confronted him and said I was addicted to men and that I couldn't give it up but that I would cut down?   Hmmmmmmmmm???  I'm going with probably not.


Is it fair to Judge???

Part of our bond with each other, Agnes and I, is the fact that we have never made judgment on each other.  Many years ago when I had first met Agnes we had gone out to a club for drinks and dancing.  By the end of the night I found her kissing a young man.  Nothing more, just kissing (it is what she likes best about men I think).  Anyways, not once would I have judged her because I didn't know what the situation was.  She was and I think to some extent still is a devoted wife and mother.  Our intentions are not to hurt our families with what we do but in some way to improve it (I know sounds like bullshit right).  I can honestly say that my sex life with my husband has never been better.  I am a much happier person now than I was prior to this all commencing.  I don't focus on the negative parts but only on the positive.  I guess the point that I am trying to make is that no one ever knows why people do the things they do so why judge.  Is it fair to Judge Tiger Woods...I don't think so.  Do we know whether his wife was doing the same thing and was better able to keep it from the public eye?  I once heard of a situation where the wife gave her husband permission to find another sex partner...but when she found out that he had she was hurt and angry.  Is that fair??  No one is person and no relationship is perfect and if you are one of those persons that they they are than you need to give your head a shake and wake up.


The rumblings begin....

I have always loved to go out with girlfriends and have drinks and dance, this has always been a part of my life, and continues to be! I never sought out the attention of men, but somehow they always came to me. My friends would always comment about it, like I was a magnet of sorts. Maybe it was because I felt secure and confident in myself and in my marriage, and so maybe I excuded a carefree attitude that made me approachable. And let's face it ladies, once you have the attention, who wouldn't enjoy it. I have some married friends that say 'oh I feel uncomfortable when another man is looking at me or flirting'. Really? Are they being honest? I find that hard to believe. No matter who it was paying attention to me, it always made me feel good. So I would do just that, I would flirt, dance and maybe even steal a kiss, but at the end of the night I always went home to the security of my home and husband who loved me. I am the girl that after a few drinks you can say, "Agnes will give you a kiss" (kinda like 'heh mikey, try this!'), or "Agnes will show you her boobs". To me it was all good clean fun, it's just skin, it's just a gave the boys a thrill and a laugh, this is all healthy behaviour. No one was getting hurt. Then things started to change...Agnes

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I have always loved boys...

I really have always loved boys, there was no doubt of my sexual orientation from a very young age. I always played the nurse in a game of army with the neighbour boys, my first kiss was with the neighbour boy in the fort in the corner of our yard, another neighbour boy taught me how to 'french kiss', another good friend of mine taught me how to give oral sex ("it's like sucking a popsicle..."); all of the boys in my youth were not only great to look at, but were great instructors and more than willing to share their knowledge of sex with me. It really never got old, kissing boys! Well here I am now, the boys have grown into men, and my desire to kiss them has grown into more, and thus the 'collection' has begun...with no end in sight! One wee problem, well major problem...I am married!


Although it may have been a pre-cursor to how it all got started desperate is far from what I am now.  Two years ago I was desperate for attention, desperate to be seen as more than a mother and wife, desperate to feel needed, desperate for the touch that is not forced or expected.  Everything that so many wives (and husbands) go through at some point in their marriage.  Because of the desperation to have all of those things and I knew that my alcoholic husband couldn't give me at the time I sought it out in other ways.  The attention from an old high school friend on Facebook or the look from another man at the coffee shop.  But after a while I needed more and more and more until I finally took the next step and cheated on my husband.  And so began my addiction...MEN!!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

This is the question a group of friends constantly ask one another. A group who now find themselves in the same 'boat' so to speak. Did they start doing what they do, because of each other? or were they already partaking in various 'activities', or desiring to partake, and then stumbled upon a group similar to them who they could share their deepest dark secrets and desires with and it be okay to be this 'way'?.....