Friday, February 19, 2010

Next!!!!

Okay, so I am closing the shortlived chapter of A...Fek! So embarrassed, but I guess we all have to have experiences to make better choices and decisions in subsequent experiences, right?

Well, I drove A to the airport this morning. Of course I called Kat on my way as I had an epiphany, a realization about this whole situation. I realized that if A told me he wanted to continue, is that what I wanted? Did I want to settle? I will not go into details about our night together, but there were some 'flags' per se. I knew after we had sex the first time, that he withdrew and likely should have left at that point. But I didn't (and got two more good bangs and some good head out of the deal...sex is sex right! LOL). Anyway, when I spoke to Kat this morning on my way to see him, I discussed with her what I was feeling about all this and what I was going to say to him before he had a chance to speak his piece. I told her that I did this cause I desired to be with a man who desired me as much as I desired them, and that this type of extra-marital activity should have warranted passion all night long, and the need to be touched and touching one another physically, just like with my swiss mr. And while he said he wanted to do this, he physically could not do it (after the first session, which he admitted is where images of his family were too powerful and which prevented him from giving me that). Anyway, I told Kat that if I proceeded with him I would be settling and that i did not feel he was capable of giving me this ever, for whatever reason, and that I knew it was not me, but it was him and his issues. BELIEVE ME THIS IS A HUGE REALIZATION FOR ME, TO NOT SETTLE!

Anyway, I picked him up at his hotel this morning and drove him to the airport. And then I opened up. Before I started talking though he wanted to tell me that whatever I had to tell him, he would not be responding until he had some time to digest everything because he felt he needed to do that. I also asked him at what point did his family come into play (I wanted confirmation of that as I knew it was after the first time, but just needed him to say that before I spoke my piece). Then I proceeded to tell him my analysis of the whole thing and perception of what went on, and when it started to turn. I might be a lot of things, a lot of them probably not so good, but I am perceptive and can pick up on what people are laying down. I don't always like what I see or hear, and most definitely choose to ignore some stuff for my own selfish reasons and self preservation. And bottom line, I told him that I needed as much from him as I gave to him, and that I would not be settling. That I did not need another husband, nor did he need another wife. When he got out of the car, he gave me a peck, and said he would talk to me Sunday.

Well, of course we know how painful that was going to be, mostly for Kat! (as she would have to listen to me analyzing all weekend!). Anyway, she suggested maybe I write to him first, but I said I wanted to hear from him first. So low and behold, he could not wait either, he sent me a lengthy message. The gist of it was, he came to the realization ("too late" he said) that he is not cut out for this 'double-life', he is totally attracted to me though and the sex was great (of course it was, his wife never even lets him have oral or has given him a blow job!), he couldn't give me what I needed and it was because of his feelings of guilt, and a bunch of other stuff. And he asked if we should cut off all communication, what did I want to do? (I knew this would come up cause I said to him the car that based on his personality and mine, this part would be difficult cause we both like to stay in touch with people, plus we know we really enjoyed talking to each other, it really was not all sex talk). Anyway I did respond by email, I told him I already knew all he had to say, I also told him in some ways I was envious of his realization, I said it would be best to go cold turkey, but I also did say if circumstances ever changed for either of us, that I may consider seeing him again (I know, so weak, believe me I will hear from Kat on that one! I get attached, what can I say!).

Anyway, the end (well likely there will be more, there always is) to another chapter in this life of infidelity. Oh, and he said, he would not be having any other relationships outside of his marriage, I told him I could not say the same thing!

Okay, any guys out there free to get together for some NSA sex? So everyone, shall I try looking for another lover? or stick to just having some fun? Not sure I can go through that again...Oh hold on...the Kiwi is texting me right now and I have a lunch date offer from a friend (with potential benefits!)...no shortage of men out there I guess!

4 comments:

  1. Sounds like you won't have a problem getting back out there girl. Life is to short for regrets, we only live once, blah blah! I think you know what you want and need so just enjoy everything life has to offer. Some will be NSA, and some will come with some attachment/emotion. All in all it's still infidelity and we are still satisfying a need! Or something like that, lol! Have a great weekend, as I'm sure you girls will and we will all look forward to hearing about it next week!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I need to take a break from that Krazy Kat this weekend...LOL I might even give my husband head this weekend! Hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  3. Really??? A break from me??? I'm hurt..:'( Actually no i'm not because I know you can't live without me and that you will be sending me text messages constantly.

    I'm proud of what you did today Agnes. I know it took a lot to do it and I already knew that you would leave thngs open for him to come back. I have yet to see you completely cut someone out of your life. OH wait the crazy aussie...but that was necessary.

    Love you to death.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great blog ladies, no there is no shortage of guys out there, Tom Australia

    ReplyDelete