Thursday, April 15, 2010

Treading in new waters...

Or whatever the saying is...

So this week I think I just had a taste of what an open marriage would be like...in this case it is Kat and I who are the married couple, deciding to embark on calculated sharing of partners! EEEK

As you know Kat had the bust, but do you think this really was enough to stop it all, is that even possible right now? I know I wouldn't be able to, you cannot just turn off what is inside of you, and what has become so second nature. Well anyway, Kat was in 'need' of a lil' something (especially with all that is going on in her life, the poor girl needed an escape). And being the good friend that I am, I offered up my Kiwi! We have always joked about it amongst ourselves, and I have even mentioned it to him, and of course everytime I have, he would get excited and say 'really, you would be okay with that?', and up until now I was not. But for some reason this week, I feel okay about it. So Kat and I sent a text to Kiwi while we were out for lunch on Tuesday and set the wheels in motion. At first we decided that maybe we could both go meet him, with the condition that I would get to go first. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought I just could not be there (Kat and I know we could never do a threesome together, neither her or I are comfortable with that at this point...but never say never, right?! and after some vodka aka the devil's juice...you can never say never, stranger things have happened to us!).

I gave Kiwi Kat's email address as he wanted to chat first, get to know her...he is such a gentleman. They both discussed that this was a bit awkward and that both had concerns about their relationships with me, along with him asking how she liked to cum! (again, what a gentleman!) I assured them both that all was okay. I even sent them both a message this morning (well talked to Kat, texted Kiwi as I passed him on the highway on his way to Kat's!), that I wanted to hear how it went afterwards. I decided that I would rather know than drive myself mad by imagining what happened and how they thought it went.

So they met this morning...I got the call from Kat following the 'encounter' and she said, 'it was sex, it was good...he is definitely more your type than mine...not a fan of the accent'...he said, 'it was different [from me]...fun'. And then of course I asked him, 'You still like me best though, right?' (knowing what the response would be, as again he is a nice guy...who wants to get in my pants again), he responded 'of course!'. (I know, I am insecure...I will be the first to admit it).

Not sure where things will go from here. Kat said she is not likely to see him again, but I know he will want to see her again. I mean really, who wouldn't? You have seen her HNT pictures; I would do her if I were that way inclined!

Agnes

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mmmm . . . so what are the "new waters?" Sharing your guy, or thinking about doing Kat yourself?

    Lol, yes, teasing . . .

    What a considerate friend you are. And Kiwi is one lucky bastard.

    XO

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are a good friend! I'm sure she appreciates the "distraction" :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow. That's pretty fucked up. I mean, we all know that you, Agnes, need for Kat to be fucking around too so that you don't feel so bad about yourself. But she's your friend. And at least some part of her wanted to try to work on her marriage. And here you're helping her do the opposite. I guess you can't expect one addict to help another addict get clean. Sad, really.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry Unfaithful I cannot recall what your situation is? But I am guessing by the name 'Unfaithful' that you too cheat? I was not aware that I needed Kat to be fucking around to feel better about myself? Interesting comment. So, if you are a cheater, surely you can acknowledge that we are all responsible for own actions and that whatever Kat or I do, we choose to do on our own volition. I do not recall holding a gun to Kat's head at the time of the suggestion, nor at the time she met up with the Kiwi. And again, I do not know a lot about addiction, but I am pretty sure that only an addict can help themselves, no one can make the changes for them.

    I will agree with you that it does sound fucked up, and that is why I blogged about it, that is what I thought this forum was for.

    I would love to have access to your blog, to see where you are coming from.

    ReplyDelete
  6. WOW is right. I'm a big girl Unfaithful and I make decisions for myself not because other people are encouraging me to make them. Granted it might not have been the best decision but I made it and I would never think that Agnes would be responsible for any decision I make for myself.

    What is sad is that you feel you can judge what we do. Adultery is adultery in any form it presents itself. We have never asked for validation about what we are doing because even we know it is morally wrong and we use this blog as an outlet rather than to be condemned for our actions.

    As Agnes said in her comment...it would be nice if we could see your blog or is it hidden because you can't handle the criticism. I was going to ask Agnes to delete the blog at first but hell why should we...after all it is our blog.

    Frankly my dear...I don't give a damn what you think. Cheers.:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Unfaithful -

    I have to follow suit with Agnes and Kat. You come on and critisize and condemn but yet don't make your profile public. oh wow - that takes a lot of balls. NOT. So yes, come on here critisize away but don't have the guts to let us know your story and your situation?

    People like Agnes, Kat and myself create blogs like this as an outlet to express ourselves. Sure, its an open forum where anyone can say what they want - but at least have the guts to recieve criticism if you are going to dole it out.

    Last time I checked, Kat & Agnes (and myself) are all adults, we make our own decisions and we suffer the consequences of our decisions (as Kat knows better then anyone). No one is perfect, our lives are not perfect and we are what we are. We are all just seeking to find that perfect balance. Is it morally wrong? Well "unfaithfule" I'm the last person to pass judgement as are you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yeah . . . what they all said.

    XO

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes, I am an unfaithful husband. I don't actually have a blog. If I did, I'm sure I would get lots of hate mail. I'd have to deal with it. Instead, I just got an account so I could read other peoples' blogs. I admit that people are absolutely right that I get to hide behind the anonymity of the internet, which is frustrating for Agnes and Kat. But that doesn't make my comment any less true. Agnes admits that it is a fucked up situation, so you can't jump down my thoat on that point. As for my other point. Let's look at it in another context.

    What if I told everyone this story: A good friend of mine and I enjoy doing cocaine (not actually true, but stay with me here.) He and I discovered it together and we've been having a great time doing coke and partying. But the other day he got tested randomly at work and now he's being fired because he tested positive for cocaine. I feel bad for him. He told me he's got stop doing coke and get his life back in order. Otherwise, he may lose some things that are very important to him, like his family. In an effort to get clean, he gets rid of all his own coke and tries to stay away from it. I'm his best friend, so I totally support him in his decision. I want to help him in any way I can. But that doesn't mean the party is over for me. So I've been snorting away. Well, the other day he's telling me how much he misses doing coke. He really craves it. Being a friend, I brought him some of mine so that he could do it. He enjoyed it. But he feels kind of guilty, like it's a step backward.

    Ok. As a friend, did I help my friend? I mean truly help him? Or did I just enable the very behavior he told me he wants to stop? Does it really matter that I didn't hold a gun to his head? Also, isn't it very possible that I miss having my friend to do coke with and I'd really prefer for my own selfish reasons that he go back to doing coke so we can do it together? Think about it. If I wasn't also doing cocaine, do you think there's any way I would have taken him some cocaine to help him get his fix? I highly doubt it. I don't think it's a stretch, people. You can say that cocaine and sex are different. But sometimes, in some ways, they aren't.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello Unfaithful, I totally get what you are saying and you make a valid point. The thing is that I don't think I ever said I would stop doing what I am doing. I have even told my husband that it isn't easy letting go of the friendships that I have made with other men. I'm not sure how much you know about my situation but my husband is in the same boat as I am in that he can't quit his drug of choice either (although he has scaled it back, and I have too).

    Agnes and I have a friendship that goes beyond this. We were friends prior to our affairs and we will be friends after we are done with this chapter in our lives. We do not encourage or discourage each others actions although it does make it a lot easier when you have someone to talk to about the things you do. I don't feel guilty for being with the Kiwi...it was what it was. Like I previously said, I'm a big girl and no one can make me do something I don't want to do.

    I would be very interested in hearing about your situation Unfaithful and why you read these blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just want to clarify my use of the words 'fucked up' and where that came from (not that I have to, but I am). It was more in relation to my feelings generally about our actions in sharing a guy, which was what the blog was about. It was not in relation to Kat and her relationship with her husband. I blogged about it because it was something we have never done and I was having some weird emotions about it. It was an experience we had been contemplating and joking about for some time. Nothing more, nothing less.

    For the record, I just want to say that I am not a pimp, nor a dealer...and most definitately I AM NOT A WHORE...but I like to do it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Unfaithful: Get Over Yourself.

    Ladies: Be careful, K? Hugs...

    ReplyDelete