Monday, July 12, 2010

Update

I had to delete some of my blog postings as it seemed the B was close to finding it. He now knows I have a blog and has assured me that he will respect my privacy. I now wish I hadn't deleted my entries but what's done is done. Nothing I can do about it now.

Agnes has been away on holidays in Europe for the past 3 weeks and I am missing her terribly. It sometimes amazes me how connected we are. It is so hard not having someone to confide in about all your dirty secrets.

I spent this past weekend with B and it was amazing. I have the bruises on my inner thigh to prove it. I know it sounds brutal but at the time it felt amazing. It is strange how this sweet introverted man turns into a dominant sexual beast. I love it!!! I have never been dominated like that. With other men I have always been looked upon to be the dominant partner. Feels good to be able lose control and let someone else take over. There is one little problem with that however. When I want something (like his cock in my mouth) I want it now and it drives me mad that he doesn't allow me that simple pleasure. Sometimes all I want is to give him an amazing BJ without me getting anything. I don't think he realizes how much I want that. I want him to let go and enjoy it and cum in my mouth. He rarely allows himself to do that though. It's like he feels he has to give me his hard cock and make me have multiple orgasms before he can let himself orgasm. Believe me I'm not complaining but sometimes I just enjoy giving him head and then cuddling afterwards.

I have tried to keep my emotions in check but no matter hard I try I cannot deny that I hold a special place in my heart for him. If I truly knew what love was....I would say that I do love him. But for right now I think I will just say that I adore him. Now with that said I am not delusional. It still is what it is (whatever that means). I still truly want him to sort things out with his wife and be content with her. I just really hope that we will forever keep in touch on a friendship level. I just can't imagine my life without him even it is just as friends.

Okay I do have other things going on but I will stop here and continue on at a later date.

1 comment:

  1. Speaking as a guy, I understand where B is coming from. It took me a long time to realize that yes, sometimes a woman would just like to pleasure me, and enjoy the act of pleasuring me, without having to reciprocate. It feels selfish to us.

    It helps, though, when I put myself in a woman's place: I can definitely picture myself wanting to give her pleasure, without getting anything in return, so why shouldn't she get the same opportunity?

    Of course, I'm just responding to this post; this is a "once in a while" thing, not an "every time" thing - obviously it's better to give AND receive, in most cases. :P

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