Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The addiction of infidelity

It starts with some innocent flirtation (marijuana), it’s fun it’s relatively safe and no one gets hurt. This can last for years until you are immune to that high and you are longing for more. This is when you turn to the kissing (acid, mushrooms). Again you are able to say to yourself that it is relatively safe and no one is really getting hurt. It feels good..that initial kiss when your knees go numb and your heart starts racing. It a great high. UNTIL even that is not enough and you have to turn to something way more hardcore like full on fucking (crack, meth, etc). This is the high that you are addicted to. You are always in search of your next “hit” so to speak. You do it once and there is no turning back...you are hooked. It feels so good during but when you are coming off the high you start to realize that it wasn’t as good or worth the risk that you put your body in (the "guilt"). You feel like a bag of shit, guilt mingled with shame. You feel dirty but yet after that initial feeling fades all you want to do is find a way to get your next “fix”. It starts to consume your every thought.
I got a taste of the drug and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted more, fill all the empty spaces inside me up with men.

There have been a lot of men in the media as of late getting caught for cheating on their wives and they admit to having a sexual addiction. To some degree I think this is a cop out for their actions. Sure it’s addictive but it’s not always necessarily the sex that we are addicted to. Men and woman are obviously very different but through many conversations with different types of men the one thing we all have in common is that we are “emotionally detached” from our spouses. Either there is no passion which leads to someone not wanting sex, or the attention is directed at other obligations such as children, jobs, etc. Yes sex is a big part of adultery but there are other components that make it more of a draw.

And that is the true addiction of adultery. Getting the attention from someone else other than your spouse. Someone that doesn’t have a vested interest in your future. Sure they might be saying the things they are saying just to have sex with you but for one reason or another, that’s okay. One event that plays over and over in my mind is when I was in a hotel room, waiting for my “lover” to arrive. I hear the door open but I don’t move, I’m laying on the bed, fully clothed, and he comes in and lays beside me and wraps himself around my body. The feeling of him next to me, his smell, his touch, his words “I couldn’t get here soon enough”. That is what I craved over and over again after he left. To know that someone can’t wait to be with you.

Throughout my time as an adulteress I have tried to stay as emotionally disconnected to the men as much as possible. Kept telling myself that “it is what it is”. But try as I may I just couldn’t do it with all of them. I needed them and they needed me just as much. Whether we were together once, twice, or for a long period of time, we shared something together that no one understood.

I'm not an expert so I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this subject...good or bad experiences, highs and lows, etc. What makes you want to do what you do? Do you feel that it is an addiction?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

GRATEFUL!

I'm late this morning, really, really late getting out of bed. Red light is blinking on my blackberry...damn do I have time to check my messages? Probably not but I will check anyways. An email from B? I'll read it while I'm getting ready...

I guess it always comes back to the business casual. crisp white blouse. glasses. tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, skirt. It's enough to make me think NOT straight. Thought maybe I would drop by your office. Totally by surprise, which you seem at an instant not too ready for, _perhaps_ alittle frantically mad. But a little nervous grin shows up on your face. You quickly ferry me out as I try to explain to the receptionist that I'm a friend of Agnes's who left my laptop charger cable at your house last night when you had a dinner party. HEY! it's the best I could come up with spur of the moment, ok? ...I hadn't bothered to think of anything better during the three hours it took to get there.

So you wave goodbye to the receptionist saying that you might as well go have lunch with Agnes. Even though it's actually only still 11:30 and Agnes didn't bother to go to work today because she was "sick" (see,you can tell Agnes I managed to work her into my fantasy) ANYWAYS, we start to walk down the stairs. Except one thing, I HAD thought about long before arriving was that I was going to have you as quickly as possible. that was it. I just was. And in all of the clothes you were wearing.

I grab you by the arm as we're walking down the stairs, reaming me out a little, I turn you around and shut you up. I just want hands on you. your ass in that skirt. the breast through the white, buttons hanging on for dear life. one pops off. whoops. of course, your response is gratefully quick, and we just want to fuck as soon as possible. I slip a hand up your skirt and slip my fingers underneath.

Instantly back out and and grab some random edge of the skirt an pull it up just enough to see that small strip of your panties that's cover her lips, that are pushing at it a now. Now, I don't know what apparatus I pushed you up onto but GRATEFULLY someone left some sort of something in that stairwell, maybe a railing, may some small note taking table of some sort, I don't know, crazy victorian decor. But it was the perfect height to get into you, so I dropped your cute little ass onto it, ripped my cock out of pants, pulled your wet panties aside and plunged right into you. I'm not going to lie. I did not last very long. Consequence of a "sole purpose visit" I suppose. But it was such a good long cum that I probably fucked you for a minute alone on how good that adrenaline orgasm went on.

It was hard to tell cause you just had this steady moan/whine/curse-word for that 60 seconds. Did you cum too?


And now I am soooooooooooo late that I am frantic but frantic with a huge smile on my face.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Finally...Out of the Closet!

Sometimes I just give my head a shake at the situations I get myself into.

So am over at a condo this weekend that FG is painting at right now. Which I must say has come in very handy for some naked meetings for the past week and a half! Anyway, on Saturday I went over to help him out (and of course I gave him a very nice blow job to start the work day off right!). While we are talking and working away, I hear a woman's voice, "Oh FG...Hello..."! Well, I nearly had an accident in my pants! I panicked! I ran to the bedroom sliding door, but the damn thing was locked...hmmm what shall I do...jump into the very long closet right to the back. So there I stand, my heart beating out of my chest...I hear FG chatting away to the owner's daughter, checking in on the job! (as an aside, earlier that morning I said to him 'what would you say if someone showed up, how would you explain me being here...premonition perhaps???).

So I stayed in the closet, it was super long, even if someone came near the closet there is no way they would look all the way in...OR WOULD THEY???? All of a sudden I can hear someone walking around and coughing...getting closer...I am near vomiting at this stage out of fear. The person stops, stands, I see a shadow, and teh man looks into the closet and then down the closet...and stares at me!!!!!! I say, "Hi" just kinda non-chalently and then he moves out and goes back out of the kitchen! I stand for a bit, hear them all talking in the kitchen, hear FG say as they head into the garage, where my car is parked, "oh my helper's car is in there...". I stood for a few more moments and then thought I better come out now, since he outed me, and carry on with my 'job'! They never came back in after being outside, but I am sure as soon as the husband got in the car with his wife, he must have said, "You know honey, that 'helper' was in the back of the closet...I wonder why?"

FG did not know I had moved from the bathroom to the closet, he just thought the man would have seen me in the bathroom, I was so embarrassed to tell him my bright move I had made!!!!

After I got over the shock and horror of what I had done, we giggled about it. We both agreed that the worse case scenario is they talk about it amongst themselves, maybe they mention it to him on another occasion and he could just explain it away that I was getting some tools out of the closet or something.

There really should be practice drills for these types of events, proper plans made in case of emergencies! Yikes!

Anyway, despite the weekend's event, I went again this morning...and had another fantastic love making session...note the word 'love making', I am not afraid to say it, I am in love with this man! The connection we have right now is very strong.

I have completely stopped all other physical meetings with other men, I do still flirt a bit online and I did meet Single Guy for a walk last week, but I have not slept with another man for some time, and am not even really craving it like I once did. The hard part is I am also not sleeping with my husband and so things are very strained at home (for many other reasons as well). Life is a bit crazy right now for me, but I am taking baby steps and working on things. I know I should be letting go of FG to work on things at home, but that is one step I cannot take right now, my heart would break...

Anyway, just a wee update from me...Agnes

Sunday, September 12, 2010

DID IT!!!

I finally met DC in person. I think he was more nervous than me. When I got into his car his hands were shaking. Which is quite funny because he has always come off with a sort of arrogance. I leaned in to kiss him as soon as I sat in the car. The first kiss always determines how the rest of the night is going to go. Bad kiss could completely ruin an evening. It was good...really good. When I moved away I looked down to see the outline of a very hard cock. I couldn't resist...I had to touch. I couldn't wait to have his pants off and my mouth on that hard cock.

It took us 1/2 hour to get to our hotel...1/2 hour too long. As soon as we walked into the room he led me to the bed and started kissing me all over as he removed piece after piece of clothing...workng his way down, stopping and spending time on the important parts. He took my hard nipples into his mouth and swirled his tongue around them...felt so good. He slowly made his way down to my already wet pussy, kissing and exploring with his fingers. I was near orgasm already...and when he started to flick his tongue over my clit it was just a matter of seconds before I was overcome with my first orgasm.

He worked his way back up my body. I could feel his hard cock on my leg and I needed to have it in my mouth. I ran my tongue up and down the shaft of his cock, stopping at the head to taste his pre-cum and then I took him all in. He came almost immediately, could it of been the anticipation of the past 6 months or so that made him shoot his hot cum so quickly into my mouth..hmmmmm.

During our chatting online he continually said that he could get hard over and over again within minutes. Well he wasn't lying...literally 5 minutes had passed and he was putting his hard cock inside of my pussy. Now you would think that after fucking that it would of been it ...right? Not a chance...4 hours we were together. I orgasmed countless amounts of time (seriously lost count) and he came at least 6 times. Wow talk about great stamina.

So did I fuck him out of my system...hmmmmmmm....I think so. I can't say right now whether or not I will ever see him again but what I do know is that he isn't B. Sometimes having the emotional connection makes the sex so much better. I didn't feel that connection with DC, not even close.

All I can say is that I will take QUALITY over QUANTITY any day.

One more thing....I am feeling some guilt as well. I really like B and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I just really felt like I had to get DC out of my system. The funny thing is that if DC wouldn't of been such an idiot I might not of met B. The weekend I met B I had actually planned to meet up with DC first but DC chose to want to be with one of my friends instead. Of course he regrets that decision, and so he should, but I am thankful to him for doing that. I have B in my life and he is way more important to me than DC could have been.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Way past due!

Okay not only is the post past due but a visit with DC. A while back I had pretty much dumped this guy but for one reason or another I can't seem to shake him. Intrigue? perhaps. So I have set up a meeting with him on Friday because I'm thinking I may just need to "fuck him out of my system". He tends to be confident that after I experience him that I won't ever want anything else...I find that hard to believe. I will soon find out and report back.