I got a taste of the drug and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted more, fill all the empty spaces inside me up with men.
There have been a lot of men in the media as of late getting caught for cheating on their wives and they admit to having a sexual addiction. To some degree I think this is a cop out for their actions. Sure it’s addictive but it’s not always necessarily the sex that we are addicted to. Men and woman are obviously very different but through many conversations with different types of men the one thing we all have in common is that we are “emotionally detached” from our spouses. Either there is no passion which leads to someone not wanting sex, or the attention is directed at other obligations such as children, jobs, etc. Yes sex is a big part of adultery but there are other components that make it more of a draw.
And that is the true addiction of adultery. Getting the attention from someone else other than your spouse. Someone that doesn’t have a vested interest in your future. Sure they might be saying the things they are saying just to have sex with you but for one reason or another, that’s okay. One event that plays over and over in my mind is when I was in a hotel room, waiting for my “lover” to arrive. I hear the door open but I don’t move, I’m laying on the bed, fully clothed, and he comes in and lays beside me and wraps himself around my body. The feeling of him next to me, his smell, his touch, his words “I couldn’t get here soon enough”. That is what I craved over and over again after he left. To know that someone can’t wait to be with you.
Throughout my time as an adulteress I have tried to stay as emotionally disconnected to the men as much as possible. Kept telling myself that “it is what it is”. But try as I may I just couldn’t do it with all of them. I needed them and they needed me just as much. Whether we were together once, twice, or for a long period of time, we shared something together that no one understood.
I'm not an expert so I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this subject...good or bad experiences, highs and lows, etc. What makes you want to do what you do? Do you feel that it is an addiction?