Wednesday, November 24, 2010

This is what I want...what I really really want...

This word has come up lately in the news...and I have to say I think this is the lifestyle I need to live!

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, a polyamorous lifestyle may be single or inmonogamous relationships, but are often involved in multiple long term relationships such as a triad, quad, or intimate network.

In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized. Ideally they are built upon values of trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compersion, as well as rejection of jealousy, possessiveness, and restrictive cultural standards. Such relationships are often more fluid than the traditional "dating-and-marriage" model of long-term relationships, and the participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have preconceptions as to its duration. However, there are polyamorous relationships that last many years and some decades.

Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationships commonly consist of people seeking to build long term relationships with more than one other person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationship.

I have been struggling again as of late. My husband has been asking where I am at (not sure if I blogged about him much and us, but since seeing FG the sex at home has declined significantly) blah blah ...The thing is, I do see myself with him long term, but I also do see other men in my life as well. I love men and the current relationships I have, and still want to entertain new ones. So with all this talk of Polyamory, I figure now is the time to strike up that conversation with the husband? I did actually mention at dinner last night with our daughter present. Of course, they laughed and thought I was joking! But need to start planting the seed where I can.

So the reason I am struggling, again, is, one, because of the husband questions lately and him professing his utmost trust in me, and the other is my relationship with FG. I love FG and while I do not see being together forever and while he may not be "perfect", I do see myself with him long term, I would love to one day openly have a relationship with him. There is something about him, he lights me up inside. He is someone and something I have never experienced before.

Now you would think that is enough...a great husband who loves me and trusts me, a lover who loves me and wants to be exclusive with me and rocks my world..But the problem is that kiwi continues to persist for a header and a "tittie" viewing, and this week Big wants to hook up (the wife is away), this past weekend I went away with Kat and if the 27 year old hottie was not in love with his girlfriend, I would have hooked up with him, and this week a new AM prospect came up (I unsuspended my account a week ago, and forgot to suspend again...meanwhile winks and messages came in and a couple good ones, and one in particular), I have been chatting with him and am entertaining the idea of meeting him next week when he is in town, and I DON'T WANT TO SAY NO. How can I do this? Why would I do this? It's like there are two of me...the committed long term gal, and then the let's-fly-by the seat of our pants and experience all prospects that are presented. And while I do not feel guilt per se, I do hate the lying and dishonesty. That is why this "polyamorous" word that is flashing about on headlines has caught my eye. Relationships "are built upon values of trust, loyalty..."!!!!! Wow...I could really have my cake and eat it too!

Just some thoughts folks...I know I have likely blogged about this before because it does keep coming up for me. Ah the struggles of an adulteress! Why can't we all just FUCK!

Happy Hump Day all you Ho's out there (don't worry, me included)! (I may be getting some hump later with Big...eek it's been awhile).

Friday, November 12, 2010

Upcoming Rendezvous with B

At 2 a.m. today my Blackberry starts buzzing...it is beyond me not to open at least one eye to see who has messaged me at this crazy time.

well let's see...what are you going to wear for me tomorrow. I think it should be the throwback to the business casual...heavy on the business. ORRRRR...maybe a t-shirt. I'm serious. It was so odd to see you in a t-shirt, it was a turn on. a tight t-shirt. or something. and white cotton panties. I think I really must need a girl-next door as part of my fantasy repertoire. Yes. All of you in all cotton. It's good to sneak up behind on cotton and then peel down just enough to slip inside you. Into a slow, shallow fuck. Kind of high tension. I know the kind of orgasm that's coming. The one were I could crush glass over the 45 mind numbing seconds. It intensely plays out. The one where I could bruise hips crushing, clenching down so hard. The one where I am truly tired after. exhausted. The one where I could cramp up. Just thinking about it is making me tired.

It feels like I haven't seen B in months even though it has only been a few weeks. I'm so anxious to see him. I've had a rough week/month/year but for the nights I spend with B I feel like all the stress is melted away. I love that he does that for me.

Just as a side note....THIS IS OUR 100TH POST....I think this call for a glass of vino. Agnes?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Note to self...

...throw some jumper cables in the car!

So I was having my usual morning coffee date with FG today and when we were just about to say goodbye, I turned my key in my ignition only for that to result in NOTHING! Battery dead! Thank goodness FG had not driven away yet, and thank goodness our regular neighbor was also still there and had some jumper cables from the 1960's in the back of his car. It was funny, just this morning we joked about buying a new Suduko book for Christmas for our neighbor at our coffee spot, but now for sure we need to get him a treat - he saved the day, and a whole lot of crazy ass explanations as to why my car was stopped at an oceanside viewing spot, not on the way to work!

So just a wee update on me, things are fairly quiet these days...I would say I am keeping out of trouble but you know with me it's so hard to just stick to one guy, no matter if I am in love or not...and the Kiwi is always calling up to see my 'titties' and swallow for him, and he is so hard to put off...the other day I just met him (we were supposed to just say 'hi') and I ended up giving him a hand job. That same day I had a call from Big...blast from the past...and he wanted to meet at a hotel room for lunch! Fortunately, I was meeting FG already, so I was able to say 'no', not sure what I would have done if I had no plans.

I did finally get some hotel time in with FG a few weeks ago, and it was wonderful (and very hot too...I was asked to wear a white t-shirt and no bra...the white shirt is no longer). The only thing that held us back a bit was knowing Kat and my friend were going to be showing up at 4:00...3 hours just was not enough! And I was warned not to soak the bed! It would be wonderful to have a whole night with him, better yet a weekend! And we did get away for a few hours this past Saturday morning for a lovely walk, just out of town where we were likely not to run into anyone. It was so nice to walk and hold hands, and stop for a kiss here and there, drop my pants and be bent over a log in the bush....you know the usual things couples do! ha ha

So life is pretty good right now. I do struggle with the disconnect at home. I think FG worries everyday that I will want to reignite things at home and that will require me ending things with him; and I don't blame him. Today, I know I want to be with FG, I cannot promise anything for tomorrow, the next day, next week or next year...and really neither of us are in a position to be together openly anyway so it is a moot point. I think if we want to still see each other, we need to just enjoy and appreciate what we have. I joked with him the other day, instead of placing our cell phones on the dashboard, we will be placing our dentures!