Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Good Riddance 2010!!!!!


2010 I would have to say was THE WORSE FUCKING YEAR OF MY LIFE.  I know a bit dramatic but seriously trying to take some good out of this past year and really the only thing good that happened was the I met B.

Yes I am going to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself, for right now, but once I enter 2011 all of that will stop.  I will not look back on the past year with regret but hopefully see it as a stepping stone to the future.  Shit happens for a reason after all.

I have not blogged much about my life’s happens for a very long time mainly because none of it is great or amazing and frankly I don’t want to think about it long enough to write about it and I really don’t think any of you want to hear about my miserable life either.  But this is MY blog and sometimes venting and writing things down is cleansing...right?

So to recap on this past year here is a list of the things that have happened that have lead me to where I am today.

When I started 2010 I was married, not totally happy, but I was for the most part content.  Yes I had been cheating on my husband for years and things were not slowing down.  I was addicted to the high of being with men.  I used his addiction as an excuse to fuel my addiction.  Wow that’s just fucked up.

From their my teenage daughter moved out and went to live with her father, a 12 hour drive away, which caused me a lot of grief and stress.  Thankfully she was back after 6 weeks as she realized that living with a complete deadbeat wasn’t the perfect situation that she had envisioned.

So I had my daughter back at home at the same time my husband was moving back to our home down, again 12 hours away, for work.  Things had gotten worse with his problem which created more problems for us.  On a visit back home he learned that I was having conversations with multiple men online.  YIKES  This along with the strain of his addiction drove us further and further apart and we are now separated.  

Although we are separated I sort of always thought that we would find a way to get back together or at least give it another try.  Until the day he told me that he was seeing someone else.  A much younger woman (he’s 39 and she is 27) and that he had strong feelings for her.  OUCH  That hurts and continues to sting a bit.  He still maintains that I am his true love and that he still wants to be with me but not sure how I feel about it right now.  We have lost touch.  He has been away from the family home for almost a year and I’m just not sure if having him back would fix the deep rooted problems that we have harvested.

At this point you are probably thinking...meh that’s not so bad, right?  Well here is why it’s not great.  I am a sole parent of 3 children.  I live in a new City and other than Agnes and L I don’t have a whole lot of people I depend on.  I work a full time job that has caused me a lot of stress in the past 6 or so months.  Due to the husband not having had a job for 5 months last year we are also financially bankrupt.  I have a house that I cannot sell due to the recession which doesn’t help.  So that is it.  These are all the reasons I want 2010 to end.  I want it all over because quite frankly I am at the end of my rope and would not be able to take on anymore.

The good things...there must of been some good.  Yes I met B which if it wasn’t for him and Agnes I think that some days I would of crawled into a hole and would not of come out.  They have talked me off the ledge so many times that I don’t know how I will ever repay them.  I know they will say that I have done the same for them but I know that they would survive without me...would I without them...DOUBTFUL.

So this will be my last post for 2010.  Goodbye 2010 and good fucking riddance.  2011 here I come.  Stay tuned.

I hope you all have a great Christmas (sorry but I’m saying fuck you to Christmas 2010 as well) and have a great New Year.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sex for Beer

Why not right?

So you would never believe what Kat made me do today for beer...I thought she was my friend but now our relationship has been defined as pimp and ho...

Ha Ha...as if either one of us ever has to get the other to do something...we do quite well on our own accord (except Kat did suggest I post on this, cause it is kinda funny), and we certainly never have taken or require payment! (although sometimes we have talked about it for cyber sex...lol)

So here it is, payment for sex (although he did state clearly 'THIS IS A GIFT, CAUSE I LIKE YOU", that was after I said "I feel like a prostitute taking your beer"). Kiwi had been emailing me a couple of weeks ago to get together...he was going in for a second 'snip' and family were soon to be arriving for the holiday season, so he was trying to get one last visit in with me (his usual request, just 5 mins, see your boobies, jerk off - which we know he wants me to jerk or suck him off). Anyway, I had to put him off due to some circumstances in my life. He checked in on me a week later and sure enough he was hoping I would see him and test out his equipment post surgery (once again asking to just see my boobies and jerk off LOL).

He had sent a few messages last night trying to firm up plans. I guess he had to go to his storage locker and pick up some beer (job related), and asked if I would come along. He had mentioned in his email that he would give Kat and I some beer, and joked about it being a form of bribery ha ha. I think one time before he offered me beer or something, and I told him Grey Goose only! Anyway, when Kat and I drove into work today I told her about the beer. I was actually going to decline it, but she said "no take the beer...do what you have to do", and of course we laughed about her whoring me out!

So I get the text this morning, he picks me up and off we go to the storage locker. Kiwi and I have come a long way, we talked that we have been seeing each other for two years now and how our relationship is kinda cool. Somehow Big's name came up (some story I was telling I am sure) and then he asked me how many times I have done this...well, as you can imagine, I quickly sidestepped that conversation...DO MEN REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY MEN YOU HAVE BEEN WITH? (I think he understood he was not the first, or the last). Anyway, once at the locker, I climbed into the back, when he got in, he was like a giddy school boy, his eyes lit up at the sight of my cleavage (I had told him I was wearing a turtleneck, he was pleased I was not!). A man with such simple needs...and off he went, he started to stroke himself, I showed him my tits, and we kissed (which I absolutely love kissing him), and then of course I had to take over, I have to participate, why have me there if I can't touch...well not long before he was cumming (just a quick slotting in between my tits, a bit of a suck, more stroking by me...and bob's your uncle!).

He drives me back to Kat's office, Kat comes down and the beer is deposited into the back of the car...deal done, mission accomplished! Kat says to me after I tell her about the "session" that I should have got two cases for all of that! She is such a hard ass...next you know she will be wearing grill and a nice furry hat!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

HNT - reflections

He...CAME...through in the end...

Well it had been nearly a week since I had met up with FG, at least a couple since we had sex (in between many things going on in our lives and a not-so-lovely visit from Aunt Flo)...but yesterday was the day, the day we planned for a romp in the Versatile before we headed for our Tuesday swim!

I never get too excited these days when FG has a somewhat free day, usually that just means more things get planned by the wife to sabotage his free time. So by the end of the day plans were looking good, I arrived at the pool, got my laps in (10 front crawl in a row, people...next stop Olympic distance triathlon! ha ha), I kept peeking my head up to see if FG had arrived for his "sauna" but nothing. I completed my swim and headed over the hot tub to see if he would show up (hate that feeling of waiting only to be stood up). Well after about 10 minutes, I got out and got changed and walked to my car. As I was walking a couple messages arrived from FG saying he was 5 minutes away. I told him I was out of the pool and in my car, and he directed me to our 'hot spot', our 'lovers lane'...you get the picture.

He arrived and quickly jumped in my car, I actually let him in the front seat this time for a quick visit, but it was not long before I began kissing him, his lips are irresistible to me (plus he was yammering on about the wife...that always needs to be shut down with a kiss). As things were progressing, we both, in sync, pulled up the front seats and jumped into the back. Our kisses were hungry and his hands were moving all about, he said to me "do you want me to eat your pussy?", I said "yes, eat my pussy", he asked again, and I demanded he eat my pussy now...and of course he complied. I have to say he keeps getting better and better, he had me cumming in no time, which is often a challenge for me. I wanted to keep going but got a bit distracted with my f'n cell phone ringing...ugghh...damn spouses! He enjoyed me a bit longer, but I needed him inside of me. I demanded he fuck me now. And once again, he complied...I love climbing on top of him in the "versatile", feeling him deep inside of me, as I grab onto the dog restraint bars at the back of my car (ha ha, romantic side notes). He pulled up my shirt and kissed my breasts and down my stomach, he held my hips and rocked me back and forth, he began to massage my clit with his thumb as we moved together, the sensation was breathtaking...he stopped me and said "I want you on your back"...now I was the submissive one and complied...I laid down on the back seat and he maneuvered inside of me. I love feeling his cock thrusting in and out of my pussy, and not long after he cumming inside of me.

It was nice this time, we did not have to rush off so quickly so we sat with his arms wrapped around me as we caught our breath. We were stroking each other ever so lightly and he was kissing the back of my neck. While the sex keeps getting better and better with FG, it is these moments of embracing, no talking, him just holding me that almost bring me to tears (of happiness and contentment). As I told Kat the other day, "I really like him", of course she responded "I know".

I am still basking in the afterglow...I know this is not forever, but TODAY it is amazing to have him in my life.

P.S. I have to add this, cause this kind of stuff just makes Kat shake her head...I truly am a big goofball and if any of you have any illusions about sexy sultry Agnes (that sounds like an oxymoron in and of itself with a name like that), but when we first started off kissing in the backseat, FG sort of had a girgle, not a burp...so we paused and he said "sheesh next I might toot". I said "well you may as well get it out now" and then I said, "there are no guarantees I won't...I am old you know". We were giggling so hard. It is always surprising the moment is never ruined, but I guess for us that is part of our moments. Oh and then I told him the angle I was at was not so good for having all my parts in place, you know, the boobs out of your armits, the belly not bucking his, I do have moments of self-consciousness, but then I realize he is moving right along and not even noticing the bulges so why should I...

P.P.S. FG and I might actually have dinner and an overnighter over the holidays...to fall asleep together and wake up together would be heaven (in my flannies and curlers as he says to me), after all I did wear a shower cap in the shower one day...HOT HOT HOT

Friday, December 3, 2010

TG...FT (for Thursdays)...

Ahhhh my teenage romps with FG...Love them!!!!! I know Kat turns her nose up at our escapades, but I do not very often have the luxury of a hotel room or my bedroom to be with my lover...so FG and I make due...and believe me, we were overdue!

Well at the start of the week we thought we might get an afternoon for some loving in a hotel room, but quickly work and family obligations filled up those windows. So yesterday we talked about a romp and a swim after work (we meet at our local pool on occasion, I do laps, he waits for me in the steam room, and then we steal glances at each other or the odd conversation or touch when no one else is with us or looking...again Kat rolls her eyes here!). Anyway, things had been building all week of course, as they do, I was to pick up my car and then meet after going home, of course things always get delayed and changed, but I had to feel him inside of me, so despite having a bit of a time crunch at home, we decided to meet.

I got there before him, he claimed he was delayed due to traffic, I say it was the coffee he had to stop for! Anyway, I knew as soon as he came to the car I was not going to delay...as he walked toward my VERSATILITY (our inside joke), I got out of the driver's seat and directed him to the backseat of the car, poor guy was a bit startled, coffee in hand, which I grabbed away from him...I immediately began to kiss him, and started to unbuckle his belt...I did not waste any time in taking hold what was mine and what I needed. I removed my pants and straddled myself across him, he reached down and felt my wet pussy, before he gave into the moment and guided me onto his nice hard thick cock. I love that position with FG...he stays nice and hard and makes me nice and wet...it was not long before I was cumming and enjoying the sensation of him moving in and out of me...I could feel the head of his cock moving in and out and hitting my gspot, increasing my pleasure and his, he pulled my top up so he could take my nipples into his mouth and run his hands over my breasts and down my stomach and rub my clit as I continued to move my hips and grind with him...I knew when he whispered "Don't stop, don't stop..." that he would soon be cumming...and he did. It was the hottest five minutes EVER (okay maybe it was a bit longer, but not much). We both were sweating and panting...and while we both hate fucking and running, we had to...but we knew we would see each other at the pool and somehow that it made it better...

When I got out of the pool after my laps, I meet him in the steam room...we were all alone and I looked at him and we both said, "what just happened?" and then he said "you were really in the moment" (he keeps saying that, and I think it was due to my assertiveness/agression...of course I am all insecure asking, "what did I do?" ie. pass gas lol)

We are still in an afterglow and as a result are craving each other tenfold. This is a way better Friday then last...I will not go into details now, but all this was almost gone...I love this man and what he does to me, I am not sure how I can ever give this up?! And as a result of his actions in return, neither can he!

Happy Friday everyone...Hope you all get lucky this weekend!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Stressful HNT

Well It's been a while since I posted due to a lack of motivation and extreme stress in my life so still not really in the mood for words but here is an HNT instead.

An interesting read...

Again, as of late faced with decision making time...my husband is tired of me pushing him away and shutting him out. Likely this is due to FG, and my other 'activities', but he is finally calling me on it, it has brought him to an all time low and I feel sick that I am doing this to him. So the other day, he essentially wanted answers. I was going to write a lengthy email back that I had fallen out of love etc etc but I thought, hmmm hold on here I need to think (so of course I called my shrink! I see her next week). He said he could wait till then to discuss. Phew!

In the meantime, I have really been thinking...about life without a husband and what that would be like, and then life with me carrying on with my activities, and life without any activities at all, just committing to him...and then I stumbled across this article:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-falling-out-of-love-should-not-be-the-end-of-your-relationship

It really is easy to say you have fallen out love, when in fact, or in agreement with this article, we choose not to make the effort any more. Could I choose not make an effort anymore and walk away from something that could still be a life long committment? That has the potential for greatness, or at least comfort and appreciation and love? Why would I not choose this? What is preventing me from doing this?

Also for me, could I give up my lover and future lovers? This morning I was looking back at me and the males in my life. I have always cheated (well I like to say not fully committed and open to experiences with other men...lol). If a boy interested me, I never turned them down because of a relationship I was in (and let me explain I did not have many, and never slept with another man until only a couple/few years ago). I never felt I was harming anyone, I felt I was fulfilling mutual needs and interest. How does this part of me stop if I choose to stay in my marriage (which I am guessing has to to be successful)?

Anyway, the struggle continues...please offer up any comments, or just tell me to shut up and make a frickin' decision. Even by writing this I am avoiding having to take action and make some choices.

Hmmm...much easier to think about nice hard, thick cocks waiting and ready for me...don't worry, I take all kinds, but that particular kind is my FG and we are aching to get naked right now...hopefully soon we will.

Ciao for now, Agnes