Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Good Riddance 2010!!!!!


2010 I would have to say was THE WORSE FUCKING YEAR OF MY LIFE.  I know a bit dramatic but seriously trying to take some good out of this past year and really the only thing good that happened was the I met B.

Yes I am going to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself, for right now, but once I enter 2011 all of that will stop.  I will not look back on the past year with regret but hopefully see it as a stepping stone to the future.  Shit happens for a reason after all.

I have not blogged much about my life’s happens for a very long time mainly because none of it is great or amazing and frankly I don’t want to think about it long enough to write about it and I really don’t think any of you want to hear about my miserable life either.  But this is MY blog and sometimes venting and writing things down is cleansing...right?

So to recap on this past year here is a list of the things that have happened that have lead me to where I am today.

When I started 2010 I was married, not totally happy, but I was for the most part content.  Yes I had been cheating on my husband for years and things were not slowing down.  I was addicted to the high of being with men.  I used his addiction as an excuse to fuel my addiction.  Wow that’s just fucked up.

From their my teenage daughter moved out and went to live with her father, a 12 hour drive away, which caused me a lot of grief and stress.  Thankfully she was back after 6 weeks as she realized that living with a complete deadbeat wasn’t the perfect situation that she had envisioned.

So I had my daughter back at home at the same time my husband was moving back to our home down, again 12 hours away, for work.  Things had gotten worse with his problem which created more problems for us.  On a visit back home he learned that I was having conversations with multiple men online.  YIKES  This along with the strain of his addiction drove us further and further apart and we are now separated.  

Although we are separated I sort of always thought that we would find a way to get back together or at least give it another try.  Until the day he told me that he was seeing someone else.  A much younger woman (he’s 39 and she is 27) and that he had strong feelings for her.  OUCH  That hurts and continues to sting a bit.  He still maintains that I am his true love and that he still wants to be with me but not sure how I feel about it right now.  We have lost touch.  He has been away from the family home for almost a year and I’m just not sure if having him back would fix the deep rooted problems that we have harvested.

At this point you are probably thinking...meh that’s not so bad, right?  Well here is why it’s not great.  I am a sole parent of 3 children.  I live in a new City and other than Agnes and L I don’t have a whole lot of people I depend on.  I work a full time job that has caused me a lot of stress in the past 6 or so months.  Due to the husband not having had a job for 5 months last year we are also financially bankrupt.  I have a house that I cannot sell due to the recession which doesn’t help.  So that is it.  These are all the reasons I want 2010 to end.  I want it all over because quite frankly I am at the end of my rope and would not be able to take on anymore.

The good things...there must of been some good.  Yes I met B which if it wasn’t for him and Agnes I think that some days I would of crawled into a hole and would not of come out.  They have talked me off the ledge so many times that I don’t know how I will ever repay them.  I know they will say that I have done the same for them but I know that they would survive without me...would I without them...DOUBTFUL.

So this will be my last post for 2010.  Goodbye 2010 and good fucking riddance.  2011 here I come.  Stay tuned.

I hope you all have a great Christmas (sorry but I’m saying fuck you to Christmas 2010 as well) and have a great New Year.

2 comments:

  1. Cheers to the end of 2010.

    Maybe it wasn't that good, but you are able to rely on good friends and to get by on your own. I'd say that is a pretty good stepping stone for 2011.

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  2. Merci France (love the name btw). ;)

    ReplyDelete