Wednesday, December 1, 2010

An interesting read...

Again, as of late faced with decision making husband is tired of me pushing him away and shutting him out. Likely this is due to FG, and my other 'activities', but he is finally calling me on it, it has brought him to an all time low and I feel sick that I am doing this to him. So the other day, he essentially wanted answers. I was going to write a lengthy email back that I had fallen out of love etc etc but I thought, hmmm hold on here I need to think (so of course I called my shrink! I see her next week). He said he could wait till then to discuss. Phew!

In the meantime, I have really been thinking...about life without a husband and what that would be like, and then life with me carrying on with my activities, and life without any activities at all, just committing to him...and then I stumbled across this article:

It really is easy to say you have fallen out love, when in fact, or in agreement with this article, we choose not to make the effort any more. Could I choose not make an effort anymore and walk away from something that could still be a life long committment? That has the potential for greatness, or at least comfort and appreciation and love? Why would I not choose this? What is preventing me from doing this?

Also for me, could I give up my lover and future lovers? This morning I was looking back at me and the males in my life. I have always cheated (well I like to say not fully committed and open to experiences with other If a boy interested me, I never turned them down because of a relationship I was in (and let me explain I did not have many, and never slept with another man until only a couple/few years ago). I never felt I was harming anyone, I felt I was fulfilling mutual needs and interest. How does this part of me stop if I choose to stay in my marriage (which I am guessing has to to be successful)?

Anyway, the struggle continues...please offer up any comments, or just tell me to shut up and make a frickin' decision. Even by writing this I am avoiding having to take action and make some choices.

Hmmm...much easier to think about nice hard, thick cocks waiting and ready for me...don't worry, I take all kinds, but that particular kind is my FG and we are aching to get naked right now...hopefully soon we will.

Ciao for now, Agnes


  1. I wish I could offer some advice, but I have none. You have difficult, life-changing decisions to make. Don't feel bad about getting your shrink's advice. (Er... but any advice you get from the perverts who read your blog--like me--you should take with a grain of salt. hehe)

  2. I am one of those "perverts" lol

  3. You are taking all the right steps to figure out what you want and need to do. Don't make any harsh decisions....I think all that is going on with FG and perhaps limiting activities with others might help you focus but truly only know what will make this work and if it is even workable!

  4. I'm sorry Agnes that I have not been there for you as of late. I'm going to be back soon...I promise. Until then I have to put in my two cents because..well that's what I do.

    Okay this is what I think you should do. First off your husband is not some innocent man that has never entertained the thought of being with another woman...we are both aware of this. My thought is that you approach him with the idea of wanting to save a relationship with him and to make it better. This way you are telling him that you want to be with him but that not all of your emotional needs nor his emotional needs are being met. This is where you suggest that you have done some research about different types of relationships and that maybe looking at having and open relationship with other men and women where all parties have knowledge of the relationship that it would satisfy everyones needs.

    Obviously this is a delicate subject and you might want to discuss this with your therapist as well. Maybe she can bring some light into whether this could work for the two of you. The thing is that when I look at you and the husband I think you guys could be great but I don't think you guys will ever be great continuing on in the way that you have. I want you to be together but I also want you to be happy.

    Well if you need me to mediate I am more than willing to do that because that is how much I love you. MUAH

  5. As a pervert, Agnes, then I guess you'll appreciate my advice all the more. :) (Most of it involves you being naked, and in the same room with me. But it's the details that make the differences. hehe)

    That being said, it sounds like Kat has a better handle on the situation. ;) I also agree with her idea to ask the therapist about any ideas, before broaching them with your husband. Getting an unbiased 3rd party opinion is important.