Wednesday, December 1, 2010
An interesting read...
Again, as of late faced with decision making time...my husband is tired of me pushing him away and shutting him out. Likely this is due to FG, and my other 'activities', but he is finally calling me on it, it has brought him to an all time low and I feel sick that I am doing this to him. So the other day, he essentially wanted answers. I was going to write a lengthy email back that I had fallen out of love etc etc but I thought, hmmm hold on here I need to think (so of course I called my shrink! I see her next week). He said he could wait till then to discuss. Phew!
In the meantime, I have really been thinking...about life without a husband and what that would be like, and then life with me carrying on with my activities, and life without any activities at all, just committing to him...and then I stumbled across this article:
It really is easy to say you have fallen out love, when in fact, or in agreement with this article, we choose not to make the effort any more. Could I choose not make an effort anymore and walk away from something that could still be a life long committment? That has the potential for greatness, or at least comfort and appreciation and love? Why would I not choose this? What is preventing me from doing this?
Also for me, could I give up my lover and future lovers? This morning I was looking back at me and the males in my life. I have always cheated (well I like to say not fully committed and open to experiences with other men...lol). If a boy interested me, I never turned them down because of a relationship I was in (and let me explain I did not have many, and never slept with another man until only a couple/few years ago). I never felt I was harming anyone, I felt I was fulfilling mutual needs and interest. How does this part of me stop if I choose to stay in my marriage (which I am guessing has to to be successful)?
Anyway, the struggle continues...please offer up any comments, or just tell me to shut up and make a frickin' decision. Even by writing this I am avoiding having to take action and make some choices.
Hmmm...much easier to think about nice hard, thick cocks waiting and ready for me...don't worry, I take all kinds, but that particular kind is my FG and we are aching to get naked right now...hopefully soon we will.
Ciao for now, Agnes