Thursday, March 31, 2011

When does all of this get old???

This is sort of a continuation of Agnes Blog.  I sometimes wonder if now that I am separated from my husband if this lifestyle is going to cease to excite me.  I absolutely love the attention from the men in my life (3 at the moment) but will I get bored of that one day?  Unlike the other men that I have hooked up with (random bar guys) the men that I am enjoying now I have made a connection with beyond the sex.  I consider them friends and would hope that if I ever decided to end the sexual part of our relationships that I would still be able to have a friendship with them.  I guess this is my way of feeling fulfilled right now.   Each one extremely different in appearance and personality which to me is so amazing.  They each provide me with something completely different that I want and need.

When I am with B we talk about things that I would never of thought would have interested me.  He has opened my mind to new and exciting things.  I love that about him.  We rarely talk about sex and because we both went through the trials and tribulations of a failed marriage we understand and respect each other in a way that no one else would ever understand.  He has listened to my grief and sorrows and I of his.  We work well together.
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The Lawyer on the other hand is more sexual and gives me the attention that I crave and need.  I find him easy to be around and I feel I can talk about just about anything with him.  I like that I can be myself and be honest about who I am without judgment.  He is an amazing kisser and I sometimes find myself wanting to just kiss his lips.

And then we have the neighbor.  What started as a friendship between neighbors and some slight flirtations turned into some random booty calls.   This is an easy relationship...I call/he calls, we hook up, have a quicky and a short conversation, and that's it.  Is is the perfect NSA relationship.  No emails, no chatting, and very few text messages.  I honestly don't need the attention from him that I get from B and Lawyer.   For now...it works.

So when does it end?  When do the men in my life decide that enough is enough?  When do I figure out that I only need one man in my life to make me happy?  I wish I knew the answers to all of these questions...but hell I don't.  So for now I guess I will enjoy what I have.  And believe me I am one lucky girl to have these three wonderful men in my life right now.

Kat.

P.S.  I do have a date on Sunday with a new guy.  I will let you know how that goes.  Cheers.

I need to learn how to say "No"!

Well, I kind of did today, I never said "Yes" but I should have said "NO" and "NEVER AGAIN"...Kat thinks I need to just cut the ties, I know that I do, I have all that I want in FG, but I continue to entertain the attention I get from previous lovers, and suitors!

This is my day today...a text from Single Guy, a phone call from Big (hoping to catch me on my way to work to come by to play), a text from Kiwi (asking if I was back from vacation yet, and telling me he needed to fuck me, usually it's just to see my "titties"), and an AM guy (English fellow #2) is in town today, and asked to meet me (said he would get a hotel room for an hour or two, then it got reduced to a half hour in his car if that is all I could offer him), oh and my friend who I chat with, has been fantasizing about me daily and placing wagers on our summer soccer league we both play in (and you likely can guess what the wager is for!). So why do I not just say to all of them, "I'm sorry I cannot see you again"????

I do know why, it is for the attention, I mean who would not love to be desired by, what is that 5 guys in a day?, add FG, making 6? Am I that needy and starved for attention...NOOOOOOO....FG gives me everything I need, he really does. I think I just have an illness, an ADDICTION...ha ha

Anyway, just sharing and venting, all in the hopes that one day, I will get some clarity on this matter and the matter of the hub.

Hope y'all get foolish on April Fool's Day!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

He's coming home...

Okay, so the song is "I'm coming home..." but it keeps going through my head today...could it be my FG is returning today...woo hoo...two days only to steal some moments together, and then I am gone for 10 days with family...absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?! I know it makes you fekn hornier!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Are you done with me?

Now how does one answer that at 2:00 a.m., especially when alcohol had been consumed?!

My hub and I went out for dinner to a friend's place and he overindulged, which I knew that meant he would want sex when we got home. I had a few but nowhere near his level of "happiness" and after almost 26 years of being together, I don't think there was a time that I had sex with him when he had been drinking and I had not been. There is nothing that turns me off more than someone who is drunk when you are not. Funnily enough, in the past, he has always looked forward to me coming home drunk to have sex (and funnily enough, many of those nights I had been with other men!). Anyway, when he tried to get amorous with me, "let's have sex!" he says in a slobbery, drunk sort of way...I said "sorry, still that time of month..." (I was not lying, but the thing is, we have not been having sex for awhile now, because of me, and why would I do it when we are drinking? Oh right, cause I did it a couple weeks ago when we were drunk...uggghhh). Well then of course as soon as I said that he slumped back down onto the bed and said "You are done with me aren't you?", to which I responded, "I am not having this conversation now with you in this state..." and of course he kept repeating those words! I continued to ignore him. And then he said, "do you think you can ever love someone again?" (meaning me, loving him again).

I felt like a cold-hearted bitch because I had rejected him sexually and now I would not answer his questions. But I did not feel it was the time or the place. And I am afraid to give him the response that I feel today...and that is....I think I am done with him. I hate this, he has said he will give me time to figure things out and then nights like Sat night occur. Is this fair to carry on, when I am not even contemplating trying to reconnect with him? It is getting closer to me actually having to make a decision...

P.S. I am missing my FG like mad...two more sleeps, one quick kiss and a feel, then I take off for 10 days...

Friday, March 11, 2011

I've changed? Matured? or just in love???

Since Kat won't answer my call, I will just have to blog! She doesn't even know I went to do this today, mostly cause I didn't know if I would follow through.

So not sure if I mentioned but awhile back I went on AM to check out some guys for Kat, and as a result got a couple of messages from two interesting guys, one the english fellow and then a firefighter guy...well I met the english fellow and kissed him...but I finally went to meet the firefighter guy...and for the first time, did not feel compelled to kiss!

We have been chatting for awhile now, just light and fun stuff. He thinks I have only had one affair or experience, sometimes I don't like to come off like a slut! ha ha. We were going to meet a couple other times but plans fell through. So today I said I would meet him for a walk. Funny I drove to the park that I have met many men at ...such a familiar road, but such a different feeling today. I was not really nervous cause I had made up my mind I would just go to meet him and talk. No matter what I would not kiss him! We had a nice chat...he was nervous. Nice enough guy, but the attraction for me was not really there, maybe that's what made it easy not to kiss, along with the fact that there were mothers and fathers and small children nearby!

It is doubtful I will meet him again. And not quite sure how I will deal with that. He doesn't deserve to get involved with someone like me. I am sure he will find it, because his is quite decent and normal, and I am sure attractive to others. In fact, I think Kat would be attracted to him.

I did joke with him that I am having an affair with a "John Smith" and he joked back that he is banging John's wife! Little does he know I am talking about FG!

Speaking of which, FG has been gone for two days now, but with the miracle of skype we have been able to talk a couple times now and we flashed a few body parts, ohhh those feet! (inside joke)...hold on that was by text this morning...I made him send me a couple of pre-shower shots! He is so shy, he hates doing it...but he did it for moi! I really do miss him, and I am not looking forward to when I go away the following week because it will be more difficult to communicate with him, at least he is on his own this week. Last night I went to bed and thought...I am in the wrong bed with the wrong man, how much longer can I do this.

TGIF everyone!!!!! Have a great weekend! Hope you all get laid, cause I know I certainly will not!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Our song...

My daughter added this to her ipod this morning and it reminded me of FG and I...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvMVCHhwTPs

P.S. we will not be seeing each other for at least 2 weeks, there might be more of these sappy posts! hmmm or when the cat's away, the mice will play? We will see how it all plays out!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I'M BACK!!!

I have to apologize for my inattentiveness to this blog and everyone else's blogs.  To be honest not a whole lot of excitement in my life right now.  I am still hooking up with B on a sort of monthly basis.  Why am I not sharing my moments with B...well I guess it is because it has become more intimate.  Gone are the days of us hooking up for hot unemotional sex.  Not to say that the sex is not hot because believe me it is even better but it is filled with emotions now which was kind of unexpected.  Anyways this is in part the reason that I have not been blogging.

Why am I now?  Well some small things have been going on beyond B.  About a year ago the neighbor and I had started flirting with each other.  Nothing serious just innocent flirting.  We had met for lunch last May and had kissed and after that not much happened.  A few text messages here and there but that was about it.  Recently I ran into him outside of his place and he advised that he had moved out and that him and his wife were getting a divorce.  And so it begins......

One random Thursday night he sends me a message asking me to come see his new place.  I of course jumped at the opportunity.  It didn't take long after he showed me around that we landed up on the couch with our hands ripping off each other's clothes.  I didn't want to rush this so I told him that I wanted it to be just about him...so I did what I do best.  He seriously had the biggest penis head I have ever taken into my mouth...it took everything I had not to stop and tell him to fuck me.  Thankfully I didn't have to wait long for that as the following Thursday I got my "booty" call and I got exactly what I wanted.

It sometimes amazes me how when you meet someone you sense that one day you will be having sex with that person.  It isn't the first either.  When I met the "lawyer" that worked in our building I new immediately that one day we would be fucking.  I will tell you all about how this all went down in my next post.

Again sorry for being absent for so long but I see that Agnes has managed to keep you all entertained.