Monday, March 14, 2011

Are you done with me?

Now how does one answer that at 2:00 a.m., especially when alcohol had been consumed?!

My hub and I went out for dinner to a friend's place and he overindulged, which I knew that meant he would want sex when we got home. I had a few but nowhere near his level of "happiness" and after almost 26 years of being together, I don't think there was a time that I had sex with him when he had been drinking and I had not been. There is nothing that turns me off more than someone who is drunk when you are not. Funnily enough, in the past, he has always looked forward to me coming home drunk to have sex (and funnily enough, many of those nights I had been with other men!). Anyway, when he tried to get amorous with me, "let's have sex!" he says in a slobbery, drunk sort of way...I said "sorry, still that time of month..." (I was not lying, but the thing is, we have not been having sex for awhile now, because of me, and why would I do it when we are drinking? Oh right, cause I did it a couple weeks ago when we were drunk...uggghhh). Well then of course as soon as I said that he slumped back down onto the bed and said "You are done with me aren't you?", to which I responded, "I am not having this conversation now with you in this state..." and of course he kept repeating those words! I continued to ignore him. And then he said, "do you think you can ever love someone again?" (meaning me, loving him again).

I felt like a cold-hearted bitch because I had rejected him sexually and now I would not answer his questions. But I did not feel it was the time or the place. And I am afraid to give him the response that I feel today...and that is....I think I am done with him. I hate this, he has said he will give me time to figure things out and then nights like Sat night occur. Is this fair to carry on, when I am not even contemplating trying to reconnect with him? It is getting closer to me actually having to make a decision...

P.S. I am missing my FG like mad...two more sleeps, one quick kiss and a feel, then I take off for 10 days...

5 comments:

  1. Agnes one day you will figure it all out and you will be a happier person because of your decision. Be it to stay with hubby or to move on and explore a life without him. I will always be here to support you in any decision you make. I just want to see you happy.

    love ya.

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  2. Agnes, Kat makes a good point. You just need to decide what is best for you in the long term.

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  3. Things have to be said, eventually, or we only have ourselves to blame for suffering along in a lightless room . . . and I definitely know :-(

    If it took alcohol to throw that question out on the table, then so be it. Use that opportunity to improve both your lives, once and for all, if you can.

    I think I need a few drinks this weekend ;-)

    XO

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  4. To take a slightly different tack. I was married for 22 years. During the last 10, my wife began to fall out of love with me. The more she pushed me away, the more I was confused and hurt. Dragging it out the way she did, without being honest with me also resulted in several joint decisions which, in retrospect I would not have made as they resulted in severe financial loses.

    The resulting emotional and financial pain has been devastating. All the more because of age. By waiting, she left me in position where recovery has taken longer and left me in an age group where my financial situation is a great hinderance.

    Be honest with your husband. Let him know where you are and what you are thinking. He deserves your honesty, for once. Anything less leaves him in the dark. You, in essence, are making decisions that affect both oy you. But, by not telling him, you leave him in the dark and deny him input into his own fate.

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  5. Thanks For your comment Anonymous! It will be 22 years of marriage for us too this year, 26 together...probably a good 20 we were very successful as a couple and in a lot of ways still are. Other than telling him about my infidelities I have actually been honest with him. For us our issues are mostly me and me needing to make big changes in myself and my life, I need to spread my wings, just need to figure out if I can do that in my marriage. I feel it is unfair of me to ask hm to wait, so I have encouraged him to seek out counseling so he can be sure that waiting is ok for him. I never thot I would come to a point of not having sex, consciously, and I think that is the biggest problem my hub has with all this. One day soon this will all get sorted...it has too!

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