Monday, August 29, 2011
Best Date Ever...
Those were FG's words Friday night before we fell asleep in each other's arms...and when asked what was the best/worst of this wonderful day at the lake his response was, "the worst is that this day is now ending...the best was you meeting me at the lake this morning!"
So we had the three hot nights that I wrote about last week and then we had other commitments during the week, but the plan was to have a day at the lake on Friday. I was getting a bit nervous that the plans would fall through as I often do given the recent history with FG these past few months. Plus he did not fully come through on my birthday...well he did and he didn't (he did talk me off the ledge before a bday dinner with my fam). Well first thing Friday morning, we were texting and trying to coordinate our arrivals, and snacks of course (I am always thinking about food!!!!)
The whole time driving up my stomach was just butterflies...I was so excited to be seeing him. Things were starting to feel different with FG, but it was scary all at the same time...I was trying to proceed with caution!
I met him and he jumped in my car and we drove the last bit together to the lake. When we got there, we went inside and he immediately grabbed me and gave me a big hug and a kiss. And then told me to wait and close my eyes and open my hands...he handed me a bag and wished me "happy birthday" and in the bag was a beautiful necklace...it was perfect! We proceeded to get changed into our swimsuits - we were like two giddy kids...I was bent over in my bikini and of course, FG could not resist...he told me how good I looked (he has not done that in a long time - his whole not expressing himself whatsoever via words), and he turned me around to kiss me again. Well moments later of course we were removing those swimsuits and before hitting the beach we indulged in some hot sweaty sex...FG was not successful in a full orgasm so I knew we would be back again.
We hit the beach and we just talked non-stop, our chairs facing one another, feet intertwined, pure freedom to hang out together (after we did a sweep of the beach and realized no one was there we recognized!). We cracked a couple of beer and shared the snacks I had brought along. We had some great laughs at FG's expenses as he made a "grand" seal like entrance into the water...one day we will find those sunglasses! We even contemplated him calling in sick for work to carry on with this day at the lake. We decided that due to other circumstances, best to keep the "sick day" for a better day. Mid-day at the lake FG ordered me back to the trailer to finish off business, and that we did...we did trot back down to the lake before we left, with me and my inside out bikini bottoms...oops!
The day was not over yet!
We drove back to my place, stopping for dinner items and wine etc We cooked together and just before dinner FG lit some candles for the table...when we sat down, he looked all serious at me and I teased "is this a date? are you going to ask me to marry you or something?" Of course we laughed but we both knew we were both basking in this wonderful day together. Although the words were not spoken, we both knew that we were both incredibly happy and appreciative of having each other in our lives and being able to share this day together (sorry for the sappiness!).
Of course after dinner, we could not resist each other any longer and we made love. I use those words because he did not just fuck me that night, it was charged with emotions (and a vibrator in his ass! thanks for the tip Kat).
Saturday I went back to the lake with my kid and friends but we messaged each other by text and even some "xxx" were exchanged. Again something that had stopped and has resurfaced!
By Sunday night, we were dying to see each other again...and so he came over for dinner, and then leftovers last night AND I think he is coming over again tonite...we cannot get enough of each other. He even said I was invited for dinner with him and his roomie...I was shocked, I later asked how that came about (as I have been the "secret", the "buddy" up until now), and he said he had been telling his roomie about our day Friday and I suppose sharing his feelings about me and his roomie said, "I think it's time I met this woman". Yikes!!! FG knows a few of my friends but I have not been introduced to any of his to date.
But as I expressed to Kat today, this is all scaring me a bit, but I have to stop thinking and just enjoy what is going on here, right?! Do I need to be concerned where this is going? or just go with it?
I also have another internal struggle as I think I mentioned I am off on a vacation Wed to meet Swiss Mister after two years! We have been maintaining contact and planning to see each other, and the time has come! He is such a lovely man, and very hot if I do say so myself...9 years my junior (is that how you say it?) but wise beyond his years, actually way more mature than I am! I did contemplate cancelling but I really do want to see him. And of course when FG was "turtling" I felt no guilt about seeing him at all! And regardless of FG or anyone else (hub included) I was going to spend this time with Swiss Mister as planned and then that was it for any other extra curricular activity; my end point so to speak! There is no turning back now, so I will just deal with it. I have successfully lied to everyone up to this point, one last lie will not kill me! Ugh!
Okay on a positive front, or by way of an update...the hub has expressed the need to actually "separate". Up to now he has maintained he is just patiently waiting for me, not remotely interested in dating, the pressure was all on me to come through this so we would be back together! We spoke last week a bit and by Sunday he came to this conclusion. He also put a deadline of December on me, where we determine where we are at. He said this way we can both hang out with friends or date, guilt free, cut the ties so to speak. He also said he will not be wearing his wedding ring. My prediction is that he will meet someone! I mean for me this just allows me to see FG more guilt free than I have been doing, give this a more "real" shot (of course FG also needs to be willing to step out a bit with me too, but I think he is getting there). Anyway, although this is something I wanted, it is still hard to be mature and secure and hear him say that there is a possibility that he may move on and end things with me first. Whats the saying, "careful what you wish for"? So it is with mixed blessings that I received this information.
It is all good though, this is all working towards me simplifying my life. And me eventually living honestly with the people in my life. I am working toward that goal. It is not easy to shake 4 years (Kat reminded me of that!) of living in lies and doing whatever I wanted at all costs! I have no regrets per se, but I also know I do want to live differently. Don't get me wrong, I do want men in my life, I just don't have to sleep with everyone of them I feast my eyes on! I will never stop being boy crazy! ha ha
ahhhh....enjoy the ride of life...1 more sleep to Hump Day!