Monday, August 22, 2011
And it was not me!!!!! Saturday afternoon I got the text from FG!!! At first a simple "Hi" and then a "how are you doing? I have been thinking about you." Of course my heart started racing but I was driving at the time and with my kid, so could not respond and then when I wanted to, we were in a "no service" area for our cell phones! Which was good that he had to wait!
His last message to me was "chat later?" So when I had a chance to respond, I said yes, of course, and invited him by for a dinner and a drink with Kat and B; he had to work late but said he would come for a drink.
Not sure if it was just my mood but I felt like I needed a drink! Well that "skinny girl margarita" kicked my ass, and maybe the wee smoke we had, but I was feeling no pain. When he arrived, the party was on! It was actually a lot of fun, Kat and I were on a roll and were making the boys laugh, FG kept saying that I give a great monologue and how funny I was! (I cannot even remember really what I was retelling!). Anyway, Kat and B decided to leave and the moment of truth had arrived. Despite being quite drunk I knew that FG needed to talk! That he was not going to be staying unless we had the conversation I told him I wanted and deserved. My memory is a bit fuzzy but I did finally get an expression of his feelings, and affirmation of my own. The next day we followed it up (that's right folks...he stayed the night!) with breakfast and more conversation. All we know is that we enjoy what we have now and cannot make promises for the future. And he knows that by him "turtling" it does hurt me, and really does not accomplish anything at his end by doing so, and in the end he always comes back to me because he does have feelings for me! I really did feel much better after our discussions, but I still needed a further talk about an item I had mentioned in our discussions, one that I posed in a text later that afternoon. I said "So do you think we should date 10 people to determine whether we do really want to continue with our relationship" (I guess there is some book that suggests this to get over the "one" you love or something to that effect). Some of you know we ask these questions but we don't really want to know the answers! Of course I got too quick a response for my liking, and he said "Maybe we should think about doing that..."
As an aside I had been getting this feeling from some comments he has been making since he made the decision not to reconcile with the wife and also from him living the bachelor life, that he my be wanting to spread his wings a bit. Just like the people in my life who do not know about FG, who know I have separated, they often say, "Ah you should go on a date..." Anyway, he has been hearing those words and contemplating them himself. I mean he has been more confined than I ever was, so only natural for him thinking this way, but still hard for me in some respects as I want to believe I am enough...ha ha...just an ego thing, which I am sure we all experience!
Anyway, I messaged back to him saying this required further discussion. He ended up coming over after work last night, and we just enjoyed each other's company. This morning we woke up pretty early and just started talking and I brought up the subject of the dating...it was a very open and honest discussion. We both expressed that if we did date we did not want to hear about it (and of course I had to throw in my "near date" which I will mention in a bit), and I expressed I was not interested in sharing him sexually, that if his "dating" led to sex, he needed to move on, it was just something I was not comfortable with. Believe me people I once was, and I know I am a complete hypocrite as i will be sleeping with Swiss Mister next week (but that was two years in the making and that will be the end of my run, going out with a bang so to speak!). Anyway, in my future relationships I want to be honest and I do not want to be shared or share my partner. I said I was not setting guidelines or parameters but just expressing how I felt. We talked about an open relationship. Not in the way we talk about here in blogland (Adam and Holly) but open to meeting new people and open in that we would not confine one another or have expectations for a long term goal ie. marriage or living together, and just open to seeing where this road takes takes us - no promises I guess. I also expressed that seeing other people was not really something I was interested in at this time for myself. And he expressed that concerned him about what I wanted versus how he felt. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. I said just because I tell him I only want him right now it is not a reflection of the type of relationship I want, I want us to have our space, but I would like a home base, and right now I want that to be him. And also that I do not want him to say he is afraid of hurting me, as for me I interpret that as holding the cards, that he has less to lose than I do and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who would not be equally as hurt to lose me.
Anyway, just lots of good conversations over the weekend and some very hot sex...my sheets are airing out at home as we speak; I even slipped a finger in his ass on Saturday night to which he was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed (it was a first for me, well maybe a second, I think I did that to Single Guy). I thanked him by text later this morning for indulging me with conversation, as I know it does not come easy for him to talk. I said whether we end up together or not, this is all character building and making us better communicators for the future!
Okay, the UN-DATE!
Well he did finally call at 9 - FG #2! We were supposed to meet at 8:30 or 9...my girlfriend was there coaching me! When he called as smooth as silk, he said "okay just meeting friends, let's meet at 10:30..." YA RIGHT! I had already been waiting around, and then was not going to wait around another hour and a half, while he was drinking and I had to stay sober to drive a distance to meet him! And then he asked me to meet him at a night club! We were supposed to have a quiet drink so we could talk! I initially agreed I would be down to pick him up and then after a flurry of texting and coaching with 3 girlfriends, I decided (they actually said I should go, all 3 of them!) not to go. It is one thing if I had been out with him before, I might have considered it, but this was sounding more and more like a booty call. If some of you have figured me out, I have a hard time saying "no" so this was huge for me to walk away from this. Of course as soon as I said no, he was texting how disappointed he was...and then as the night went on, again, it became clear he had wanted sex only. I have two guys as you know, probably a few more and who I know well who can help me out on this front. As hot as he was, I was truly hoping for a "date". I was polite and all, but made it clear that if he has another night he is not double-booked I would love to get together! I have not heard from him since, but he does have his kid this week, so we will see. I will not be heart broken if he does not call. I really don't think I was ready for that anyway. So in the end it all worked out! I mean don't get me wrong, it was very flattering to have such a hotty wanting to go out with me, but that's all he is to me...he is not FG!
P.S. did I mention how good the sex was with FG this weekend? I need him again tonite...I have already dropped a hint...that cock of his is so nice and thick...mmmmmm