Friday, August 19, 2011
Too bad I feel like a bag of smashed assholes today! (I love that saying, a fellow soccer mate used that once and it cracked me up! What is that? and what would that feel like?). Well, I feel a bit beaten up today...not sure if I am coming down with something or if it's just emotional.
Feeling so discombobulated today...missing FG like mad. Everything I do causes me to think of him. I got a career related email and I immediately wanted to text him or email to share it. When I was in the shower I was wondering if he was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him, or if he is just able to switch off? And how does one do that? I mean really, I do not see that as a fault, I would love to be able to switch off my thoughts at times instead of being consumed by them!
I am not caving though people, I will not email or text or call or reach out, I am staying strong on that front. And I will hold out for words, not just actions....this time...I PROMISE!
Anyway, just needed to vent to blogland...it's a good distraction for about 5 or 10 minutes!
And I do have one other distraction later tonite...FG #2 asked me out on a date...Fek I have not been on a date in 26 years!!!!! I am so nervous. And also so unsure how to behave. The last few years when I have gone to meet a man it has been for sex, how does one go and just chat and say goodnight and head home??? Fortunately it is that time of the month, so I can use that as an excuse (although some men don't care), but I will pretend that I do! ha ha Do I just have a kiss and say thank you for a lovely evening? Because I have kissed him once before (and damn it was good) I am freaking out a bit and almost hoping he may cancel. Plus I have sworn up and down to myself and friends, I am not looking to date...and I really was not as this was a time for me to sort out my myself, career, marriage and FG and not bring in other parties to complicate my life. But he is soooo cute and he asked me...I have not had someone seek me out in this way for so long. It's just all fun right? Just a drink...nothing more...eeeeeeeek!
P.S. Thanks reader #94!!!!! 6 more to go...I better get to the gym for the big photo shoot! ha ha