Friday, September 23, 2011
So on the FG front...thought I'd keep that separate from my Swiss Mr post this time...well we did end up having a chat last week, I think it was? Anyway, we decided that there would be no expectations or obligations. That if I wanted to text or message I would do so, or invite him for dinner or dinner and sex, or just SEX, I would do so, but he also would have to be more upfront and not respond with a "maybe"...if it is maybe, then he is uncertain and should just say "no". I also told him to not message "xxxx" and "I miss you", because when he turtles it stops and it feels like a slap in the face. Shit do I sound like a bossy boots or what? But I needed to assert myself and tell him what was going to work for me or not. The bottom line here is, I want him in my life. I love having sex with him, I need him, right now. As I stated in my post with Swiss Mister, I know he is not my "future". I know on many levels we do not work. But I do know we have some very hot sex! It's funny I spoke of Swiss Mr's gentle ways, FG is the opposite! He pulls my hair and holds my arms back and controls the pace of our sex, pushing my hands away when I try to unbuckle his belt. He even had his hands on my neck the other night, ever so lightly but I have to say it was kind of hot! I have nothing else going on right now, nor do I want to seek anything else. So why can't I have him in my life right now? I figure if I can protect myself by not having any expectations of anything more with him, this can work...for now!
So since having this conversation and my change of mind set, he of course is full-on ha ha...but THIS TIME I am controlling my reaction to it...I am keeping it cool! He was even quite insistent on picking me up on my return from my visit with Swiss Mr. It was kinda cute, he sort of "dressed up", and even got out of his car to meet me and gave me a hug and a kiss...IN PUBLIC! And as soon as we got home, I didn't even get my coat off before he had me up against my door and was kissing me passionately. He of course stayed the night and came again the next night for more...but we just had two nights off, and it feels great...we can have time together, hot sex, and our space too. This could work! It definitely feels better than it has in the past.
This mindset is also better for me to try to get focus back on me and my life and where I am headed! Any suggestions anyone? Some times I am so clear on what I need to do and where I want to go, and other days (most days), I lose my mojo and my drive to make the changes. I know it is fear that holds me back. Not really sure what I am even fearful of. Intellectually I know there is nothing to fear and whatever step I take will be a positive one. I do truly believe that, but there is some kind of super crazy powerful glue on my feet...can anyone recommend a good adhesive remover????
Anyway, happy friday everyone! Hope everyone gets fucked this weekend!