Thursday, December 8, 2011

You spin me right round baby, right round...

My life is spinning my head around right now...so out of sorts.

One year ago yesterday, I lost someone amazing in my life (well they had been gone for many years before that mentally), by the end of the month I am to tell my hub whether or not we will be moving forward or moving on, but in the meantime we are taking a family vacation over the holidays (plus extended family), which in and of itself can be very stressful (especially for a virgo!)....oh and my injury continues to wear me down!

And of course then there is FG...an entity of its own!

Luckily my pms should be subsiding as Aunt Flo finally arrived, which has so nicely enhanced all of my emotions and sucked all of my energy out of me to deal with anything or anyone. Not very often do I retreat, but when I do with it comes guilt for retreating from friends and family. I have to remind myself and THEM this is not about THEM or because of them, I just need this time to clear my head. I tend to wear everyone's issues and problems, likely to avoid dealing with my own, but also because I happen to care about them...call me fekn crazy, but that is who I am!

I am hoping in the next few days the fog will clear, and with a counselling session on the horizon, many of the questions and concerns I have can get cleared up, or at least some guidance can be offered on how to move forward in a way to cause me the least amount of stress and anxiety. To look at what is truly best for me and what I want out of life, and how to move on or forward without feeling like I am leaving anyone or anything behind. That whatever path I choose, it not only honors me but does not cause any hurt or pain to anyone, and if it does, that it is not up to me to carry that on my shoulders.

I found this quote the other day...
‎"Whatever you have experienced in your life is carved in stone. But today- at this very moment you have the power to make the shift from where you are to where you want to be. You are never stuck…you always have a choice. You just have to give yourself permission to grow, to love, to thrive.”
Ahh you gotta love life sometimes...the good thing is, that it will get sorted - I do know that. I have made big decisions in the past and I will again, but on my own time and in my own way that is respectful of me and others.

Happy Holidays everyone...

2 comments:

  1. You are not ready for marriage or kids. You could be blogging about them but you are too worried about you and whether or not you get to "go out".

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  2. Oh okay Jim...thanks for that assessment. You are probably right that I was not ready for marriage at 21, but my parenting has never suffered and in fact I have a relationship with my child that many would be envious and I was actually a very good wife, despite my separation I have been very respectful to my husband and honest with husband to the extentI can be, and this blog is merely a portion of the life I have led.

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