Friday, February 17, 2012

In deep...

Okay, I guess I just don't do slow...I guess I am just one of those people that when I am in I am in...there is no dipping toes, just full immersion...I am using words to say, "let's go slow" but my body and heart are in a place way farther ahead than my mind...and it is terrifying and exciting all at the same time!

That's right PC and I are 22 days in, and it feels like we have known each other forever, or a very long time...many firsts for him and for me too...I know this is hard to believe but I have never been thrown up onto my counter top before...I gasped, in an excited kind of way. I don't think anyone has ever pleasured me over and over and over and over like PC has...he is all about me (don't worry I make him feel very good too!).

Some days I think there must be something wrong with me that I can feel so connected so fast, but I just am, and the feeling is completely mutual. And the best thing, we have had full disclosure (well no one will ever get full disclosure from me with respect to this blog and all that has been shared). The promiscuous Agnes is no longer, but I feel I can give full honesty to PC from this point forward and so far matters that needed to be shared have been shared. I mentioned I had a boyfriend (FG) but he has not made any inquiries and I have offered none.

While things are going wonderfully...I do miss FG and I do still love him, those feelings never go away, they have changed though...there is not an ache or desperation, there is just a fondness and quite honestly a little disappointment that he could not be the one I could be openly dating. While he was far from perfect (and I know I am too), we still had good times and also a strong connection. I know he would be happy for me having met PC, but I feel sad as I think it will be some time before he gets to a place that he can have this; he will though I know. I did see him on the highway the other day, and I shook for the rest of day....I actually knew I would see him, the feelings were so very strong. We just waved and drove on...and no word since.

So PC stayed over last night, and he will again tonite...can hardly wait...then it is usually days before we see each other again, which is working well so far. I need to work on my "aloneness" while some of you may embrace that, I struggle with that. But I am a work in progress and feeling good about a lot of the changes I have made.

P.S. Big called me last week, they never go away...I should have told him that I was seeing someone, instead I just put him off...I can't figure out why I keep that trailing...maybe cause he was my first, maybe cause there was never an emotional attachment, who knows..or maybe it is because he has the biggest cock I have ever been with! ha ha


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Help???

OMG ...dating...how does one do that? How does one take things slow? This is so foreign to me...

I finally started dating (after getting my closure with FG)...I met a guy on an online dating site, which I thought would never work...I was "hidden" and added him to my "favorites" and the rest is history (after some very crappy responses and interest).

Anyway, we are off to a good start. He is very funny and surprisingly finds me very funny too. He gets my sarcasm, he is patient with my forgetfulness (being with me is like being with Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates). He finds me sexy and is not afraid to express it. He is very happy to have found me and is as equally surprised that we did using this medium.

Anyway, we had an initial coffee date last Friday as we couldn't wait for the meeting we had set up for tonight! We totally hit it off and then kept in pretty good contact over the weekend while I was away. By my return Sunday, he was anxious to see me and me him. We agreed that we could squeeze in a visit before his game last night. I was going to meet him a local coffee shop but I was tired and feeling housebound, and just have a good feeling about him, so breaking all the rules of dating, I invited him to my place for a drink before his game. Rebel I know!

So he came over, we had a glass of wine, and great conversation. It was nearing his time to leave, and by this time there had a been a few finger touches and some hand holding...I did express to him what I wanted out of relationship right now (something casual and fun, but that I do like being affectionate etc), and he leaned over a bit and then that was it, we kissed...it started out as a soft kiss, to something more frantic and passionate...a very pleasant surprise indeed ...and I GOT TONGUE...FG never would give me his tongue! Anyways, he did not want to go to hockey but I encouraged him to do so.

A few more kisses on the way to the door and away he went...well of course there was a text between periods hinting that he would like to come back for more. And of course, I am not one to resist a kiss. I figured it was safe cause it was that time of the month, so I could use that to keep my boundaries.

So back he came after his game, I greeted him at the door and we began frantically kissing again, he stopped and said "I could just rip your clothes off..." I immediately interjected and said "There are two reasons that will not happen (as much as I want that too)...one, it is that time of the month...and secondly, we are only on date 2"...so we carried on...and moved to the couch and totally made out, then the hands began to wander somewhat, and before I knew it my top was off! If he can do with his mouth what he did to my nipples and breasts (making me completely wet and near orgasm) this could be a really good thing...I did cop a feel of what he was packing (so classy I know) and while he is not an FG (mmm I miss that nice thick cock) we can work with what is there! Anyway, we carried on kissing and talking and cuddling, it was very hot and comfortable all the same time. He left quite late and of course messaged me all the way home.

I really had no intentions of even going that far...that is what I need help with!!! How does one go slow? Or do we need to? I mean I love being intimate with someone...I love sex. Is this slutty in the world of mainstream dating? It worked great on AM...but in mainstream, do good nice girls do this stuff?

I am also worried about letting go of my "casual dating" cause things are just so easy and intense right off the bat cause we click. And I am scared to tell him to slow down, but I know I need to for me! I know I cannot rush into another "relationship" ...there could be other men out there I need to meet and date. How does one do this without hurting people? I know I can't worry about that, I have to worry about myself and my comfort level and honoring me, but damn this is hard!!!!

Anyway, that's the latest in my world! Maybe one day Kat will post again?!